Wednesday, December 30, 2009


Short for escape.

I realise that I am currently posting more and more random-er posts in this stupid blog of mine.
What else is there to do....
The situation has changed:

Now my ENTIRE family has Facebook.
my private-okay,not so private-bubble in the form of social networking site has been breached by both dearest mom and dad.

I did tell them that they should learn more about 'techy' stuff, but this is just pushing it.
Now they're hooked, and it's all my fault for handing out those little packets cocaine to them...
I should've warn them to NOT go down this path......
This addiction to Facebook is a one-way ticket honey.

Now, I've got nowhere else to go, except Twitter and of course, this blog.
There are certain things that your parents should not know about you.
There's a side of you that every parents shouldn't see.
There are things your parents shouldn't even hear coming from you.
But we're all just human beings. Human beings have flaws.
And teenagers/young adults are the most flawed of them all!

How do you explain to your parents certain things you commented on the status of friends?
What do you say to them when they make assumptions out of every posts you post on the homepage of said social networking site?
How do you stop your frantic heartbeats whenever they look at the numerous nonsensical, risque photos of you in your photoalbums??
How to block/evade/avoid/run/ESCAPE from explaining and providing answers from the various things they asked regarding said things above?????

I understand their curiosity.
They after all, have the right to know your whatabouts and whereabouts no?
And we children are indeed their biggest interest and concern in life.
Eh bien.

I suppose if they have to know things about me..
They better get the facts right from the right sources.
And Facebook is just bulls eye.

I just hope you don't judge me too much from it.
What is seen from a person's perspective is always only one side of the story.
Just have a little faith in me. And trust me more.
Because a little faith and hope can get you far.
Perhaps I'm the second-brat (next to my brother) in the family, but I'm not all bad.
I'm not the best child there is, but I hope I can be. And will be.
And I cannot change who I am. This is me!

Every step in my life may not be all for you,
but you do take about a major share in it.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


what more can I say?
Alhamdulillah is the only word I can think of now.

Monday, December 28, 2009


You know,
you can't wait and be patient like everyone else.
I had to be patient.
I had to remain calm.
It's about me.
Why do you have to make it all soo damn hard?

If my words can't get through to you,
maybe my actions will.

For now just let me run away.

Sunday, December 27, 2009


Went to mph last night with yayang, abah and mak.
Ikram went back to s.alam yesterday morning.
It's sad when I opened my eyes at 11 am in the morning, and there he was, standing beside my bed and shaking my shoulders to wake me up.
With blurry eyes I slurred my words, "Wha..?"
He extended his hand to me and said he was leaving to s.alam.
As we salam, I thought to myself, Saturday already?

That night, at 3am I slept without the blaring of the stereo coming from the next room.

But it was not all so bad.
Yayang and I was sitting on the carpeted floor of the 'cookery' section,
flipping through pages and pages of cupcakes photos.
Holidays are fast coming to an end. Yet there we were, only beginning to start baking! :)

I hope it will not be so disasterous. I, after all, have baked cupcakes before.
But with a father who doubles as a food critic at home... You know.
Will update on the end product of Yayang's cupcakes and mine. Tata! :D

Saturday, December 26, 2009

easy. so cheesy.

Don't say things like that.
You have no idea how I feel.
I don't just sit around, waiting for my rocket to come.
Have I ever make it seem or sound so easy?
You know, when you look up into the dark sky at night
you only see one side of the moon.

The one with a bunny sillouette on it.

Friday, December 25, 2009

a realisation.

I know many people has told me this before..
I agree with what they said.
Is it wrong if I think there's nothing wrong with that?

A thud.
and then I realised...
If the Major cannot come to India,
then India will come to Major.
So I don't care what you say!
But don't say I didn't try. ;)

Thursday, December 24, 2009


I wonder if this is a question everyone has ever asked themselves...
Does a cellphone work to make you feel happier and glad,
or does it make you sadder and lonely?

I sure as hell dunno how to answer this one.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Hey, you make me listen to love songs.
You make me smile,
you make me sing.
Are you smiling now too?
because I smile when I think of you.
I'm scared of what's gonna come next
but you kinda make me wanna see what's coming too.

You're in every song I sing.
Kyaa~ =)

Monday, December 21, 2009

everyone, again.

Meeting up with people you left behind for some time brings back fond memories
Sitting for hours talking and laughing
All problems seem so far away, like they don't exist
For the time being, looking into the laughing eyes you once knew so well
is worth everything in the world.
Opening stories of the past,
friendship and love and families
this moment we share
it's something older than time itself.

Peeking and taking glimpses at the mirrors of yesterday,
we were not one of the cool crowd
we were not one of the popular crowd
we were not one of the bookish crowd
we were not teacher's pet
we were not problematic,idiotic, drama-chasing half-wits
we were none of those things they want us to be.
we were everywhere and nowhere
we were everyone and no one.

But we had each other.
and we were happy.
and I was glad I found you.
I couldn't be anyone without you.
I couldn't take any other side besides yours.
I don't want to be any other person besides myself.
Because of you!
You, yes you!

Okay, I love you guys. :)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

shove it

Aha, listen up.
I know people always say there are two kinds of people in this world.
The bad, the good.
The strong, the weak and such right?
And then there's the one being judged and the one doing the judging.

I think that's bull.
Because every one judge.
They just freakin do it.
I do it, you do it, heck, it's one messed up place.
Damn, stop thinking like you're the know-it-all, been-there-done-that kind of shit.

So, shove it!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

overkonfiden laa kan.

Disebabkan hidup terlalu bowsan tanpe drama hari-harian menjalankan Ausmat, atau pergi ke summer kem etc etc. post kali ni is about me.
Driving a car.
To a pc fair.

I know, my life is that boring.
Bajet la, bwak kete pun nak cite kat sume org.
But, believe me, kalaw korang naek satu kete yg dibawak oleh aq, u guys would blog about it too. Siyes, x tipu. haha.. :D
So after a few weeks x pegang stereng, I cannot tolerate it anymore.
I told my dad when we went out for dinner yesterday night that I want to drive.
No arguments.

So the next day, dah bwat plan segale ntuk gi ke pc fair with my bestie, E.
Ayah aq memang lawak. HA.HA.HA.
Dy pegang kunci Honda.
Tipu ni....................................
I thought, xkan laa dy nak bagi aq bwak kete baru?
My dad was looking at me and he said, " Ha, cepatlah hidup kete."
He was pointing to Honda.

Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. *jantung berdegup2*

And he laughed!!!!!

Of course he was pulling my leg! RRrrrrrrr.
Xpe2. I'm driving. You're gonna get it from me later. Tgk je la.
Maka aq mmbawe kerete Kelisa which totally the new Ferarri according to Pimp My Ride. (tipu!)
And then bla bla bla bla....
Sampai kat pc fair...
Sampai kat part yg mencemaskan.
Mase tu salah masuk jalan. The road led to the exit. We were looking for a parking space.
Abah suruh reverse.
And I was like, "Reverse sampai the parking lot?????!!!!"
The F?????????????
X berhati perut weyyyyyyyyyyy. Aq dah almost setahun x drive. Kejam ni....

Needless to say, that I did it badly.
Stereng x tegak, kete ke kiri dan ke kanan. *sweat*
(-___ -lll)

My dad was like, "Ya tuhan, nak saket jantung aq..."
And dy sempat bagi lecture psl fziks.
Okay, let me tell u abah, I appreciate that u pndai explain about cars by relating it to physics, but lecturing me about that while a hundered thousand onlookers sniggering at me is SOOOO not a good idea!!!!!!!
I was mortified! :'(
Sob. sob.

But my dad is cool jugak lah. compared to my mom.
And thanx for being there E. :D
U made light of the situation when I was swearing like hell depan my father.
I was like, " THE EFFF!!!!!!" when a car stopped suddenly.
"Move it, BUSTER!!!!" when a pedestrian lenggang kangkung depan kete aq.
My dad kat seblah diam je........

Tengah selawat kot.

But the ride home was ok. :D
I was making a pro face and wiggling my eyebrow to my dad.
It says: "See? Not so bad aite?"
My dad was like,
"Practice lagi."

Next time mcm mane?
We'll see!

p/s: did I drive like Beth Cooper? Me thinks not that bad... :p

Friday, December 11, 2009

back to school!!

Tibe2 rindu nak ke zaman skolah.... :)
Skolah besssssssssssssssssttttt!!!!!!!!!!!! BESTTT!! BESTTT!!!
*okay, we get it Nad!*
hahaha! :D

Mase kat skolah la mcm2 drama ade. Kwn2 gile2! Mase tu pulak mmg tgh gile nak eksperimen mcm2, jadi experience sume mmg feels new! Feels different. Addictive.
Er, tapi bukan dadah. (Don't do drugs, kids.)
Knape tibe2 aq rse nostalgik?
Maybe the fact yg aq tawu aq akan masuk Uni nnt.
Dah dekat dah ni. Rase cuak. Mmg future tu unsure, entah aq boleh fly gi Aussie, ntah x.
Rase takot. Bile flashback balek soklan2 TEE, rasemacamnakjeriiiiiiiitttohmyeffingtoottoooot!!!!


Xnak pk psl tu lgi. Doa je laa byk2. Aq kene positive!! Enough with the negativity,electron!!!!
Ape2 pun, the next BIG step ntuk ke university mmg x dpt dielakkan. I cannot run from it.
Dan honestly, wpun aq cuak sbb maseh unsure lagi dgn the next step, tapi at the same time aq rse sgt excited! Woah!
I mean, mestilah kan?
Mmbe2 aq sume dah masuk U. Sorang kat utm, sorang kat tpm, sorang kat utp, sorang kat uitm, sorang dah pun pegi aussie, sorang lagi dah pun pegi canada. Yang laen2 ade lagi kat kolej sunway etc, tapi dyrang pun skang tgh menunggu ntuk ke U jugak.
I have to admit, bile dyrang cite psl life kat Uni, aq rse jeles!
I envy u guys!!! :'(

Sure enough, mase kat kbu hari tu pun best jugak. :D
Kolej dah tntu la laen ngan mase kat skolah. Tapi, situation and environment kat U nnt sgt laen kott.....
Yang same maybe dari segi assignment. Omygod, aq mmg sgt x rindu dgn assignment2 tersebut yang tlah mmbwatkan aq tido 2 jam, kepale serabot, cutting back holidays in Jb, cutting back time to spend wif my family wpun dyrang ade kat Kl...
no sacrifice no reward, right?
No pain,no gain! :)
And skang I really really, REALLY REAALLY pray and hope that my efforts and sacrifice will be paid off.
In full. Xde hutang2 okay.
Kalau nak hutang, make sure aq hidup bhagie aman damai sejahtera smpai aq mati capish?

X sabar mnunggu the day to come. The day where the uni life will start.
Aq mmg kurang menyabar cket.
Mcm mane nnt maybe?
Ade ke org yg aq kenal satu tmpt ngan aq?
Ade jugak ke org yg lebih gile2 dari aq?
ade x lecturer cute n baek n dedicated mcm mase kat kbu dulu?
ade ke shopping spot yg best mcm Ou and the curve mcm dulu?
ah.. the drama.
I miss it.
So much!
The fun, the tears, the laughter, the cute guy, the hot stuff,the labels, the jealousy, the fight, the effort, the kicking ass, the getting my ass kicked...

I miss school.
I miss college.
And I am thrilled to see what's coming next. :)

Wave y'all!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

it could be so simple!

Saye dah balek dari BTN!!!! :D
BTN was fun! haha... maybe it's just me! i've always liked summer camps or anything synonymous to it. I prayed to get plkn for god's sake (which i did get), and honestly, who would ever do that unless they're insane kan?

Anyways. :)
Jumpe balek my dearest frenz yg kenal kat kbu sume, altho baru je 2 weeks x jumpe. Bukan la x contact lansung what with fb and ym yada yada, but getting to meet up front is different sangat SANGAT dengan the assistance of technology tau. All these techy thingy is just soo damn lame klaw nak compare dgn jumpe with your old friends face to face.
You get to see the sparkle in their eyes when they scream and shout your name in glee. You get to laugh with them and see their tonsils sticking out. You get to get physical with them, boleh peluk cium hugs kisses dan segale benda yang X-rated juge. :P

Saye telah blajar banyak bende berfaedah kat kem ni. *ayat poyo, cam nak bagi speech*.
Ceramah and talk blablablaah tu memang undeniably bosan sikit, sometimes dah penat2 lari jalan, bgn kul 5 pagi in the morning, mate memang mcm xnak kene gam pulak dalam hall kan?
But mase part2 yang x mengantuk and the part where I did pay attention tu, mmg worth it. Because I get to hear things I tend to ignore before this. Bukan tak tahu, tapi memang sengaje xnak amek tawu.

I chose to be oblivious.

Tapi aside from that, memang best. :)
Pegi abseilling, run 2km after 2 weeks of not doing anything substansial dan produktif kat rumah, saket kaki kot... Adeih... Nak berjalan ni pun dah mcm org x balance.
Ice breaking, and we get to role play and everything..
Tapi yg paling best skali, is when all of us kene buat flag.
That was the best ever.
The feeling that I felt that night was just........
Beyond words.
I was totally overwhelmed.

Well, til then! :)
Until we meet again friends.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

can't be a poet

I would never be a good poet.

because I'm always finding troubles to find the words to say;

how would my life be if the words would just flow sweetly?

would my life change somehow

would everything still be the same

will i still be me?

would i hang out with different sort of groups of people?

You always get what you want.

and I hate you for that

because a selfish bit*** like you

hurt, but you don't care.

you just want to get get get.

get what you want.

nothing else matters.

I just can't be a good poet,

because I've told you numerous times

but you just couldn't get

you only hear what you want to hear

and miss out the whole point of me telling you,

and miss out the whole message i'm sending you.

Everything is moving too fast

but you will not give me time

to discover if something is real

or if it's an illusion

a make-believe

and it was you who pushed me down the cliff

I'm falling now

can't take it back

while you

still pushing at an empty air

look down!

i'm moving fast

falling into what feels like eternity

following the gravity

and it is inevitable

I can't stop now

calling out my name

is useless.

I would never be a good poet.

If she reads this

She will think it's about her

Hence, my words can never be spoken

My words can never be written

The message can't be clear enough

At the risk of making this sound like it's about you

If it's about you at all

It's not about you

It's not about anyone

I think it's about me.

I would never be a good poet.


Because words make me vulnerable.

Friday, December 4, 2009

heart- break.

I keep on coming across stories about heartbreaks lately. Even my lecturer's wall post in Facebook lately is about one. But I think he'll be fine. I hope you do get better Mr. D. You should.

Not that it's any of my business..

But things are the opposite when I went out with Elya and Aisu yesterday and the day before.
I'm so happy that they seem happier now. It's good when I look at them and I can see that they are happy with they are with now. What's not to be happy about? The guys they are with now are not a braggart and a show-off and they sound like some really nice people there. huhu..
I think you know who I'm talking about, my friend.. I'm praying really hard to God so that a certain ex of yours do not talk bullshit with me on you-know-where okay. I can't take any more miaows from another human being. :PP
Fine, i'll try to be nicer to him.

My point of writing this post is that while it's true that heartbreaks are such a pain in the butt, those who have experienced them are kinda lucky. Like, in a way. These people are those who have experienced a great feeling, a feeling strong enough to experience a heartbreak when it goes wrong. Not many people get to experience that, believe me.

So can I brag now and say that I have gone through it before too? :p
It was a mild one, and I got over them fast enough.
But still... It felt like a boulder fell on me. For a good,solid 3 days.
There was this jerk when I was young and foolish.. And he was a jerk.
And then there was another... Who turned out to like my bestfriend instead of me.
LAUGH NOW, please.
Because I've had a crush on him for about.. 5 years maybe? On and off, but five years nevertheless, and suffice to say I'm no more than just a friend to him.
Which I'm totally cool with if he didn't used me first to get closer to my bestfriend.
Never mind. Old stories, and now I laugh in the face of them. :)
Especially because this guy never got my bestfriend.

*insert evil laugh*

What? It's not my fault. Shit happened to me and so it did to him. *insert evil laugh again*

And now what?
I don't know. My bestfriend jokingly told me they were going to have to get me a boyfriend.
Mmm.. I don't know about that. What's the point if it's so much more fun to act all lez-gay with them? *bat eyelash* Hahaha..
No,no, that was a joke.
On a serious note, I don't think there's a need for rush in such matters.
I'm entitled to an opinion, so hear me out haters:
I think such a thing cannot be forced. You cannot rush it.
You cannot open the door before it gets unlocked.
If it gets a knock or two, you have a choice.
To open. Or to not.
By not opening, you'll miss out somethings to be sure.
If you do, what you get sometimes might just surprise you.

So I think, as long as I don't die old and lonely and sad with 24 cats in a musty,squalid apartment,
I'm gonna enjoy my contentment of solitary life for now.
Or maybe not so solitary. I still have my friends and family.

This is what I think and feel. So don't go out hating me for it. Huhu..

I need to bathe. Busuk already. Taaa~

Thursday, December 3, 2009


I have written many posts lately that I chose not to publish.
I don't know why I didn't. Nothing seems adequate.
There's always something that make me hit the button 'save' instead of 'publish'.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm not really a perfectionist, but lately I've been very critical of myself. Of something. Always finding fault with no one but myself and the situation.
Always trying to fix them, always thinking of doing something to make it better, better better.
With me I think, I can never find the best.
Nothing is ever the best.
Always thinking that there is something better than this.
Always wanting more, doing more, thinking more, and if i'm able, always doing more.

But it isn't greed this feeling of wanting more.
If I can describe it, it would probably feel more like redemption.
I have to be more cautious. Or I will be like that man whose wooden axe fell into the river.
You know, one of those children's tale teeming with values and morals and shit.

Been getting a lot of weird dreams lately. Good. It means i'm losing my touch with reality because my dream is totally made-up, totally unrelated with what is real at the moment.
Honestly, I am getting exhausted with reality. Dream world is sweet. At least, mine is.
Everything is so simple. No one trying to complicate my life. I transformed into this compliant person in my dream. I accept the events in my dream world because it is so simple. So pure. so untwisted. So un-effed up. It is not dreams i fear. It is reality. Oh but if all reality were to be sweet and light and fun. I wouldn't be running away so much. How I fear boredom. My life's mission is to chase happiness and fun. I will run like being chased by a leper if fun escape me.

Guess I haven't grow up much have I?
I'm still a child at heart who only seek mischief and the playground.
Rain or shine, I just want to play now. :)
Hate me of you must.
But why dun cha eff off already.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

you make me feel sad.

But you make me laugh too.

That's why we are best friends. :)

p/s: Bile nak jumpe kau lagi ni? *sigh* You're so close to me, but you're not here.
Movie jom,kouhai. ;)

Saturday, November 28, 2009

crazy description.

You know, whoever who said that long holidays have no drawbacks is wrong. Yep.
Because the thing with long holidays is that at one point, you are gonna get bored.
I actually haven't reached that part yet, being that I am still anticipating a BIG event of going on a MEGA shopping spree with my bffs, watch movies, lepak-ing at Vivo and having one hell of a slumber party.

Although, I might mention somewhere that I am sort of facing a financial problem right now...

Ahh, the heck right?
But that's my point exactly. After all that, what am I gonna do?
I know I planned to redecorate my room, read novels and watch movie, but what happens after?
Not to mention that, turns out my room is too crowded already to be redecorated, the first season of The Mentalist I have already finished, season 3 of Gossip Girl is not out yet......
And I'm not allowed to drive car on my own to go see my friends and that's not cool because my sister is having the exam and I'm not suppose to make any noise at home. That's damning, because how else am I going to sing my heart out to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs?
I can't even be in my own room because it is currently occupied by my dear sister.

It's a sad day on Earth when a person is not allowed to be in his/her room.

Ooh. I think channel 5 is showing The Pirates Of the Carribean now.
Guess i can go watch that.
Johnny wait for me!! =D

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

the queen B is back!

Okay, I have a problem. And when i cannot get an uneasy feeling off my chest, i get all cranky and weird. It's best to not risk that, so here I am.

1. Taking a condescending tone with me is ssoooo not a good idea.

You know how you sound like an A-hole when you take that tone with me? Yes, you do.

2. Earn your respect Goddamn it!

You cannot make ME, or anyone else respect you, if you don't respect us first, capish? You think respect is just gonna come to you when you beckon it with your finger? No. Life's a bitch, and so am I. You gottan earn it.

3. Curse you, curse you.

My silence is fake. If only you can put a microphone inside my heart and my brain. I shut my mouth because I don't wanna degrade myself by bitching out loud.


Yes, I can get murderous. escpecially when you treat me like a worthless piece of shit. It's time you open your eyes and see that putting me down with your words and treating me like i'm aint worth a damn is gonna come haunt you. I'm gonna kick ass. try to bring me down with your mean words. I worth more than what you think. If you can't see that, you are blind. And i feel sorry for you. Because beneath all that, you're PATHETIC.

That's better.
Sometimes you just gotta break the dam and let the water flow.
Because the pressure is just too damn high for me to handle.

Monday, November 23, 2009

come fly with me :)

i'm back at home! ;)

It's a great feeling beybeyh!

Friday, November 20, 2009

the end is the beginning.

Today was the day when Ausmat students in KBU class 2009 graduated.

17 months ago, I entered a hall in Kbu. The hall was full with people, and I remembered feeling bewildered by all the excitement and the whole activity there. I looked around, looking for the one familiar face I knew I would find. My schoolmate, Fatin. She was the only other girl from my school to be in the same place as I was. I remember thinking to myself, that I shall involve with no shenanegans hereonwards . No sir, I was determined to not get into any trouble.

17 months have passed, and I am proud to say that indeed I haven't got myself into any pickle. Well, even if I had, it was nothing that could not be handled. Alhamdulillah. And this I have to say, is something that could not be achieved without my friends and my family although they seem to be far away from me.

Is there a way to express this gratitude and happiness on finding such precious jewels like you are? No words can ever do me justice. Maybe, I could have made it through Ausmat without you. But would it be as fun? As memorable? As crazy? As insanely adventurous?
While Ausmat may be the ride of my life, it wasn't always the fun ride. It was also exhausting. Effingly frustrating. And mightily daunting. But because we're in this same rocky boat, we became closer than ever. You've become my family. We have become a family.

Now, the end has come. Some of us might not see each other again. Some may end up at the same place again, wherever that may be. (Wherever that may be, I'll be wishing you the best.)
But let's not say goodbye. Because family never say goodbyes. We don't bid adieu to our own kin because no matter what happens, no matter where we are, or who we have become, this tie cannot be severed.

Someday, when I look back into this precious time of my life, I will laugh. I will cry. And I will definitely feel nostalgic. I will miss everything that has happened here. Even if I can no longer remember it, it will be somewhere at the back of my mind, it will be among all the other collections of memories that I have. And when that happens, it will be a shame because I wish with all my might that I could remember everything. The good. The bad. The pain. The relief. The fun. The effery.

As Aerosmith goes, "I don't wanna miss a thing."

But as long as I still have these memories with me, as long as they are still are a part of me, each one of you, every places, every seconds that have passed, will always be with me no matter where I go. So I guess, you have no choice peeps, but to be stuck with me forever! Haha!

Or... Rather, I'll be stuck with you.

I guess, even as life goes on I'll be carrying you around too. In this fond memories I have. =)

Before I say "Till we meet again", I would like to extend my humble apology to anyone that I've wronged. I hope you'll believe me when I say I'm not sadistic, because never would I wish to have caused any anger, or inflict any pain on anyone. If I did, it was unintentionally, and imperviously done. You have seen my virtues, and I definitely have my vices. But I truly wish that if I were to be remembered by anyone, I would be remembered for my...

VICES beybeyh. Because being bad is just oh-so-delicous and irresistable.
You know I'm bad, I'm bad~ You know it, you know... WHoo!

Um, yeah, sorry. I had a momentarily lapse of sanity and moral. =p
Pish posh, of course I wish to be remembered for my virtues! Sheesh. Even if being bad makes its way into Michael Jackson's song, Bad.
I know I can get a little (OKay, a lot.) cuckoo sometimes, (Alright, all the time!),
but this one cuckoo I'll guarantee you'll miss. xoxo!

Ya, my roomate, I'm referring to you. Yes, you.

Well, now. I'll still be updating my blog. So it isn't really a goodbye.

Until we meet again, stranger. *rides on a horse into the sunset*

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

the rain makes it.

I'll be leaving this place in 3 more days. 3 days doesn't seem very far away, but it feels like it.

Gah, one down side about post-examination is that, your life suddenly feels empty. Fun at first, hell yeah, but as day turns to night, and I was running around from places to places, wearing myself out to the bones, I lose all sense of time. Night feels like day and day is sometimes as bleak as night.

Time slows down to a crawl. And my mind floats on a cloud. I feel hazy. Wondering around without a purpose. I suppose it feels good to not have to rack my brain for a chance, but I'm starting to feel useless. And it hasn't stop raining ever since..

The one thing about rain is, it's good for the plants. The trees, the grass, the soil.. Must feel like festival to them, a celebration of flowing water. But, I guess I'm more of a sun person. Rainy days like these makes me feel morose.

Hence, the emo post.

I miss you Mr Sun. When I look up through my window, all I see is grey sky. And clouds that aren't white. (But of course, duh!)

I feel as empty as my locker cum closet now. I was hit with a sudden longing to go on a picnic. It would be fun to spread a wide big cloth on the grass, and along with me, a basket full of bread and croissant. With strawberry jam and tuna spread with slices of cheese and ham. And a glass of orange juice or cold milk. A picnic at the meadow.

And then, a man without a stitch of clothing would come out of the bush... A man who look very much like Eric Bana.......

Ooops, sorry, this is not my daydream, this is more like a scene in The Time Traveler's Wife.

My baaaaaaaaaaaaadd. =p

I wanna see the sun. I miss you warmth and your bright rays. Come on out for me will ya? ;;)
And my laundry is piling up. :(

Friday, November 13, 2009

va va voom

Well! We survived didn't we?

There was a time when a thought this day would never come! Muahahah!!!

I'm eyeing all the dvds on the shelves bebeyh. And the books in mph. Mph should really have more sales. I mean, why is it that only clothes shops have sales often?? It's not good for my overly easily excited shopping drive.

I know everyone is busy talking about how excited they are now that TEE has ended, Ausmat has ended, blahblah blahhh, and i'm gonna talk about it too. Except that mine's special. Because I had a date on that final day of TEE.

Yeah baby yeah. A date!

With who? Ahaha.. You people will know this date of mine for sure.. Very famous this person. Very hot. In fact, super hot! Sape weyh????

Megan Fox. *wolf whistle! I know you want to!!*
And, no I'm not a les-gay. I definitely like guys. So I guess that makes me a bi.

Juuuust kidding. =p

Almost believable, but no. My mom and dad will kill me first and then disown me. Despite coming from a school which is 45% populated by lez and girls who try to grow moustache, I am proud to declare that my girlish hormone is true to its owner people. Thank goodness for that.

Anyways, the so-called date actually involved more than two person (Megan and Me).

My classmates were there as well. I soooooo want to watch The Time Traveler's Wife. I mean, hellooooo Eric Bana Kot!!!! But, I did want to watch Jen's Body too, so when that was the only ticket left, we took it and I didn't mind it. It was for the better maybe. I don't like watching sad movies with a lot of people. It's hard for me to supress my emotions inside. Sad, heavy movies and books are for me to be alone with my own imaginations and emotions.

Besides, let's not risk the chance that I might be drooooling while gawking at Eric in the cinema sitting beside my classmates. That would be totally unprofessional.
So does that mean that I did not drool watching Megan doing her thang (by this, I meant eating some poor sucker's guts out)? Well, I might. If I had the Y chromosome in my DNA.

Which I don't~

Overall, the film was a bit lousy. And totally and wholly unrealistic. I dunno, horror movies aren't my cup of tea. Cynic and jaded that I am, I find that horror movies nowadays not quite frigthening. Hence, my preference for psycho and messed up movies like the whole series of Saw. Oh, and I like Quarantine. Psycho movies are scarier because I know it's true that sometimes human beings can be worse than monsters.

Back to what I was saying...

Before the movie, we went bowling. I must say, I've become rusty. My bowling skills suck harder than vaccuum. But no one could beat MB on his wonderful skill of ensuring the bowling balls following the path provided either side of the lane. By this I mean the 'longkang'. Hence, MB, I hereby mengisytiharkan that you are the MENTERI BOWLING. ^__^

Hahaha... Don't kill me. You'll only get this from me for one more week!

Izzat squared 'i' is the new upcoming pemain Bowling Negara. I have to say, you two make a good bowling couple. Skill memang mantap la!

Oh, hey, and I wasn't the only person with a date that day. Rumour has it, that there's a new love bird in town. Rumour has it la.... Could be true, could be just, well, rumours. All I'm saying is, when we were at the bowling place, 'two people' just couldn't stop blushing more. And I had to fight the urge of crying tears of joy (poyo gile~~) for these two beloved friend of mine. I just want to say, "You d man laa weeyyyy!". Oops! Maybe a little premature to say anything now. But, who knows? Tiramisu cake and a gentleman-like manner just may work their magic!Heheh..You have my prayers and blessings.

Gosh, I feel like Gossip Girl posting all this stuff about other people lifein a blog. Should stop nosing around now! Kire commercial lah. Talking about me and myself all the time can get pretty boring. Not to mention waaay too vain. =p


Well, that's it for now. Will keep you updated with my 'fun time after TEE'. It's a date!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Me? Matured?

Waa... I never thought this day would come. If I were me 4 years ago, I wouldn't recognise who I've become now... Hehe..
So many changes have come. And it's not only me, people around me seem to change too.
I have to say, I wasn't the type of person who liked changes in my life.
I hated when I was 11 and my best-est friend in the whole world just had to move to Melaka then because I know my school days won't be the same anymore.
I hated when I was 11 and well, you know, and I still remember vividly that I cried like hell because I know that my childhood phase of life was over.
Heck, I even disliked my younger sister once when I was 2 because suddenly she was just there, and the spotlight was not on me anymore... (But I totally love her now. Mumu~ <3)

Yeah, I was that control freak. I think I still retain that bit about myself now, but it's better in a way that my reaction towards changes is more mature now. I think. * big claps!!* ^-^

My opinions about things have changed now. What was good then, I think is bad now. Or vice versa depending on the subject matter. Last time, when I was in school, I hated the dress code. I reaally really hate it. School uniform sucks: Girls can only wear pinafore or baju kurung.
I mean, they made me wear kain while lugging backbreaking school bag to the 4th floor. And a white baju kurung that you have to SWEAT in everyday because you have to stand under the scorching hot 1 o'clock sun??? So impractical!!

Don't they know that white clothes can turn yellow very very easily?

Hey, not everyone uses Daia. The fluorescence from new white clothes will fade out eventually..

Basically, I didn't get the whole dress code thing. To me, school was like a playground. Play hard enough, and you'll learn something out of it. Huhu.. That was then.
So, I just couldn't get the whole rules and regulations and dress code..
What does wearing uniform have anything to do with what we learn in school?
And I couldn't see how multiple ear-piercings was going to obstruct my learning.

I know, I know. I was so silly and naive..

Hm.. But being in college makes me miss my school days more. I keep listening to 'Fluorescent Adolescent' again and again, and each time I listen to it, I get transported back to the time when I was. It's true what they say about adolescent being the best phase of your life. There was that awkward phase when I absolutely like nothing, NOTHING at all about myself. Scary hair, horrible front teeth, and oh, the acne... And the nose, and the mouth, and every body parts that I absolutely wished could look more like Jessica Alba's......

Little brat. I was an ungrateful git. But I totally blamed it on the awkward phase okay.. But, despite the social insecurities that I went through during that phase, it was also fun in way.

I mean, you only get to experience that only ONCE in your entire life time. Kan, kaaaan?

Which reminds me..
College is also coming to an end. Booyah!
And the next adventure will begin no matter where we are in the future. =D
I know I'm going to miss Ausmat. ^__^

Saturday, October 17, 2009


Bosannye menternak cendawan kat rumah.......................

Pusing kanan, nampak dinding.
Pusing kiri, nampak dinding lagi.
Depan mata, dinding jugak.
Belakang kepale, jugak dinding.

Hibernasi bukan untuk yang suka shift along x-axis mahupun y-axis....



Dalam kebosanan aq ni, aq telah formulated plans untuk riang ria selepas TEE.

1) Tengok movie.
2) Tengok tv.
3) Lepak ngan member2 ku yang aq dah 100 tahun x jumpe.
4) Sleepover.
5) Baking cookies and cupcakes.. (Errrrks. Ripley's Believe it Or Not.) haha..
6) Melepak kat kedai mph.
7) Menggali buku2 lame dan membace sampai pukul 4 pagi.
8) Redecorate bilik.
9) Practice driving kat highway. (Aq x kire! Mak ngan abah mesti let me at least TRY.)
10) Bersenam................( =_____=llll )
11) Makan.
12) Bersenam lagi.
13) Painting. ( ToT ) I'm sorry to have neglected u.....
15) Download manga one piece.
16) Online~~~
17) Rerun Gossip Girl.
18) Rerun House.
19) Gundam Seed marathon.

20) PRAY for my TER results~~ (>___<)

Er... Sekian sje ntuk hari ni.
SEbelum hari yang ditunggu2 tiba, aq perlu bertungkus lumus!! Dan jangan mengalah!!
Dan berusaha! Dan tawakal! p(>.<)/
Kuatkan semangat, tabahkan diri~
Cekalkan hati~ Dan berharap~
Tapi yang penting sekali, JGN PLASTIK. =p

~ Hope is delicate and fragile. And yet it's human's greatest factor of determination.~

My dear friends, don't give up just yet. Keep hoping. Keep striving. Keep on fighting.

Keep your faith. amin.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

rehab. relapse. rehab again.

Despair, just leave me alone.
Do not chase me in my dreams.
Don't come and haunt me at night after the lights have gone out.
Don't make me jump on my bicycle and cycle for hours in the hopes of trying to outrun you.
Don't make me open the refridgerator and reach out for that 500-calory chocolate bar.

I'm trying so hard. I still am.
But as each day pass by, I get scared.
I'm holding on to my courage, but as as I tighten my grasp on it
the more it slips away like grains of sand.
Oy,courage, don't leave me just yet!
I don't want to be accompanied by this bitter misery!

To my dear friends who are cheering me on, and supporting me,
Thank you so much for still having faith in me.
And for those who just seem to do the opposite,
Sod off.
Because there's no place in my life, for people like you.

Depression, you compress me, suffocating me.
I wish I could just blow you off....

Oy, Natto. 3 more weeks to go only. Chill la.... T_____T

Oh, God. I am your humble servant.. Please lend me your strength because I'm weak.
Give me courage. Let me find your light.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

a knight in shining Armani

What does a girl wants from a man? Survey from ABS (Apsal Banyak Soal, not Australian Bureau of Statistics) shows that nowadays girls want:

-A Prince Charming
-A Knight in Shining Armour
-A Gentleman from The House Of Lords

Well, if not all three, then at least one of them.

What's not to like about Prince Charming? He's charming (as his name indicates)(name tu kan satu doa), dreamy with his wavy blond hair and piercing blue eyes. A romantic who will treat you like a true princess and whispers sweet nothings in your ear of you being the Queen of his heart. And when he proposes, oh, he proposes grandly, one knee on the rose-petaled floor as he kisses your hand with a royal tenderness.

What about a knight in shining armour? Well, all that hard muscles are so fine that not even his polished undented metal protector that he wears everywhere could hide. He exudes such masculinity and virility that makes a damsel wants to swoon into his sinewy arms. He makes you feel safe as he hold you close because you know you can rely on him to always come to your rescue when you're in distress. With a roguish smile and as he sat with a macho pose on his horse, he will sweep you off your feet onto his equally macho horse. And off the both you, riding into the sunset as the credit "And They Lived Happily Ever After" rolls.

A gentleman will lavish you with care and attention so much, you'll become so sure that you're the only lady he sees in the ballroom. A gentleman is always so smartly dressed with starched cravat, and top hats and overcoats. He will be your protector and will fiercely challenge anyone who dares to taint your reputation.You are besotted by his simple actions of opening the door for you and holding your hand when you cross the street. He respects your womanly senses and always behave ever-so gentlemanly in front of you.

Now, time has changed and in this 21st century, you might ask, "Where on EARTH can I find a prince, a knight, and a gentleman????"

In the present time, the names have changed. You no longer label them with these fancy names, but this prince, knight and gentleman is still out there., the prince live in a house like a castle instead of just a 'castle',the knight has traded his horse for a sports car and the gentleman now more commonly known by the name 'Metrosexual'.

But if I ask, will this prince charming always be charming? Will the knight in shining armour always come to your rescue? Will the gentleman, always be the perfect gentleman?
But men nowadays seem to know that these qualities are what women want:

Romantic. Heroic. Sensitive.

So everywhere I go now, I encounter men who try so haaaard to break away from stereotypes.
Which is painful for me to watch.

It pains me upon hearing them trying to impress women by saying that they like watching romantic movies too. And how they cry watching the sad scenes.
It just kills me when they try so hard to be all heroic and started treating me like I'm disabled.
It baffles me that they would overdo grand romantic gestures and totally ignore the simple,most fundamental gestures.

Everywhere I go now, and whenever I start a conversation with the opposite sex,all I would hear is how much he enjoys watching romantic movies. Suddenly, P/S I love You becomes every man's favourite movies. I'm not insinuating that men cannot like this kind of films, but honestly,
claiming that you love P/S I Love You more than Transformers or Saving Private Ryan is just overdoing it man.....

Another thing that's just denting my ego and make me nauseous is when the 'stronger gender' acts all cutesy.
For the record, let me just remind you that while some girls do like their men to be like act cute and fluffy, some girls , DON'T.
My argument is, simple. Fluffy and cute is for stuffed animals.
If I'd wanted someone to put up a cute act in front of me, I would've just bring Rabitto along with me. At least Rabitto is not trying to be cute, because he is NOT pretending to be.
Besides, it's bad for my ego. I mean, you're a guy, you're not supposed to act cuter than I am!


Another thing is... Pets. Why pets??? Why??? WHY???
You think because I'm a girl my brain capacity cannot go beyond things that are fluffy and cute?
With the amount of people who wants to give or show me all sorts of pet animals, I am induced to hate things cute AND fluffy.

Me Drama Queen? Yes.
Me Gedik Queen? God YES.
But me, a piece of FLUFF? AT LEAST NOT IN PUBLIC.

It's not wrong. It's not. If there's anyone so out of the norm, that person would be me.
So, what I'm saying is, I don't mind if you're not pretending. I can accept that. So you reaally really truly love romantic comedies? Great! So do I.
So you honestly think you're as cute as teddy bear. Okaaay,unusual but it's alright as long as you don't brag/show that dark side of yours to me alright? I'm allergic to it.
But when a person is trying so hard to impress and start to give us what they think we want,then that's just wrong. Stop posing, posers!

So, now what happens to Prince Melt To The Floor,Handsome Knight and Lord of Hotness?

You see, girls may be attracted with all these qualities you have in you. But, that is, if they are real. What good is it, if you pretend to be someone you're not just to impress someone? They should like you for being you, not who you think they want. If they don't like what you have, it's their loss. But, what I can guarantee is, you would definitely meet someone who would love you just the way you are. Flaws and all. Fluff or not fluff. Jiwang or not jiwang.

Oh yeah.. and one final thing?

I'm smart enough to figure out when someone is fronting.
To carry on and keep pretending to impress me is just really insulting my brain.
Next time, I'll just go along, and take it to the extreme...

I'll give you the list of romantic movies I love and I'll gush to you about all the mushy scenes I soooo, totally adore. *bat eyelash*.
And I will say in a very high-pitched of "AWWWW,THAT IS SOOOO CUTEE~ age ge ge~ age ge ge~" whenever you show even a hint of fluff.



Nightmare. Huh. BE a man. *Mimicking Russel Peters*

Thursday, October 8, 2009

ehhh.. my brain.

So. So. So.

Enough experimenting already! Now it all boils down to the real thing. What I've learned from me mock's results;

1) Numbers don't lie.
2) Really. They don't lah.
3) Tragic. But I find comfort in knowing that it could be worse although the thought that I could definitely DO BETTER is killing me slowly. Which, when I think about it again... Is more tragic.
4) The most important thing during exam is not really memorising what you have learned at 5a.m in the morning i.e 4 hours 20 minutes before the examination.

5) Clear mind, calm nerves and well rested body and eyes before exam. Heard this many times before but never realised the truth in it until just now. YOU know you are sleep deprived and in a state of fatigue when you write EIGHT HUNDRED SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD as 817 for N in probability. And when 8.00Hz becomes 800Hz, you know you should just go and kick urself in the arse.

6) Who knows methyl orange is not really orange in colour after all?

7) Miss J definitely has a thing going on for me. I keep on becoming the target of her sarcasm or whatever. Or is I that have a 'thing' for her since I keep making an ass out of myself whenever she's around me? Ah well, maybe it's just her way to teach me. She's so sassy and I like that in her. =p

8) I love my brain. Although Mr. D said that the Engines are better with facts, and the Arts are more of an 'outside the box' kind of people. I think the Archis are more balanced because we are half scientific and half artsy. Right and left brain see? You can't argue with translational equilibrium. (My brain is insulted Mr. D,when you stumble to think of the Archis strength in writing essay.)

9) When I can't go on9 and write something on my blog, I have to resort to writing a diary. I am THAT desperate to let out useless rantings to no one in particular. Could've just gone and talk to a wall, but that would scare my roomate off to her superhero in house 16.


Ganbate for TEE. And I just can't wait anymore.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

i say, i say.

Giving a pet to me is not such a good idea. Why?
Well,due to many reasons.

One of them being:

1) I don't like animals.
2)It takes up a lot of my time to take care of it.
3)Pets come with strings attached.
4)I can't appreciate it.

Explanation for no. 1;
Before you start on giving me weird looks and saying "HOW COULD YOU" with double exclamation marks, I need to clarify this: I don't like animals, I love them. The only animal I betul2 looooove tho, is cat. I'm more of a one animal girl ,folks, and no other animal can take this place away from my heart, NO!What I don't like are plushies or teddy bears. Because I only like RABITTO. and rabbito alone. and no other teddies. Nope.

Explanation no.2;
Cleaning the cage, and bathing them... Again, I wouldn't mind if it's a cat. God, I'm discriminating other animals, but can I really help it?

Explanation no.3;
The strings attached thing. Oh yeah. I have a 'thing' against something that binds me down. Call me 'commitment phobic' I duno, I dun care. I just think that giving pets to someone.. is rather... intimate. Because you are practically giving a living thing for me to take care of! And life is not something you just waste and neglect. It's like adopting. Opening a wrapped box only to discover there's an animal inside is like looking at a PLUS sign on a pregnancy stick when you're not ready to get pregnant just yet. My point being, it's like forced to have a second person in your life. You have extra responsibilities, obligations.. and honestly, I'm only ready when I SAY I'm ready dammit. You can't exactly force me, duh.

Explanation no.4:
I can't appreciate it. I simply can't. Animals are God's creation. And for this, I respect them. I will treat them humanely. But I can't appreciate it when it's forced to be under my care. I'll do a lousy job. And those animals deserve better. They don't deserve me. Kesian laa animals tu klaw we're suppose to take care of them, tapi tgk2 kite neglect dy pulak. Dosa satu, yang satu lagi, ape salah haiwan tu..

Contohnye mcm marko. Xde orang sanggup nak jage dy. Last2 aq ambik la. Klaw x? sape nak cuci dy punye badan sume tu? Cuci rumah dy? Kasi makan? Ni, aq jage ni pun kadang2 terlupe kasi makan. Mlas nak tukar air dy. Tapi kalaw x, sume org nak abandon dy. She deserves more than abandonment and rejection. Just because badan dy x fluffy dan dy x secomel kucing dan orang geli kat dy, xde sape yg sudi nak jage dy betul2. Yang aq ni pulak, mule laa kalaw ade bende2 yang unwanted and unloved, mule laa rase simpati. Kesian. X sanggup nak tgk dy unloved and abandoned camtu jek. Smpai ati.. HUuu...

Last2 aq syg jugak kat marko. Dah tu, xde sape yang nak syg kat kau kan? syian marko.. uhuk uhuk.. You have me now, it's okay baby. It's you and me against the world~ =p

I can't think of any better reason other than this. Let's just say that pets don't make good birthday presents. At least to me. Just give something simple lahhh... Kenape nak elaborate sgt??? I'll be happy to receive notebooks or storybooks or foreign movies anyday! Or chocolates. They are simply the best! X payah bagi pun xpe.

Friday, September 18, 2009

making my way down south

Ah yes!! Am currently writing this post using my home computer. Which means... I;m already back in JB!!! WOOOT WOOT~~~~ =D *muke bahagie x terhingge*

Okay, flashback ke mase aq nak bertolak balek. Ajin and I walked in the rain carrying all those heavy bags. 1___1 sobs.

Habis je paper Econs, aq balek rumah dan lihat makhluk kecik bername Ya (roomate aq lahh DUH) tergolek di atas katil. BEst nye, nak join, but i gotta pack my things first. Maka, siap2 pack, me and ajin decided ntuk kluar awal, takot jam. Hujan baru berhenti. NAk call cab tapi.. tapi.. xde no. cab. Nak tumpang kereta Nana, but she was sleeping in her room. In fact, sume orang kat rumah tu tgh tido when I was leaving the house. What a sad way to say goodbye with just a note sayin " SELAMAT HARI RAYE~ muaaahhhhs~ from awek Chuck, NAd." But I didn't have the heart to wake them up from sleep. Everyone was very sleep deprived after a week of MOCK! ARGHH! What an epidemic of panda eyes and pimples and blackheads! hahaha.. I didn't get to sleep though because I need to pack my bags. So Ajin and I made our way to OU to get a cab. Due awek cun jalan2 dengan bag berat. =p

Tengah2 jalan, we complained about how heavy our bags are. Yelah, mane x berat kan? Kasut raye ngan laptop ngan baju2 sume! Tu pun naseb baek aq x bawak balek buku Cutnell Physics. X kuase I nak mentelaah time2 raye nih~~ *Huh. Flip rambut dengan gediknye* And we complained about how it would be extremely niiiiiice if we had our very own car. Lepas tu ade laa satu cab nii lalu, hon kat kitorang tapi bukan nak stop, cikaiiiiiiiiii. YOU DON't HONK at Moi IF You Don't WAnna Stop okay???! And lepas tu, we ran into a proton wira. I didn't see, but Ajin kate tu Poh Hui dengan Nic and Calvin. Oh, how nice! Move on, move on..... Tiba-tiba....

Hujan turun balek da......!!!!!!!

Me ngan Ajin dah malu gile kan. Gile x cool jalan2 ngan beg 3 bijik (including handbags) tengah hujan!!!!! But we maintained our cool. Dah nak sampai Ou dah pun. Ajin cakap, "Ape2 pun yang penting jangan lari. Bwat2 cool je." SET. No way nak lari dalam hujan ngan beg besar gaban. Finally, finally!!!!! Sampai Ou. Disebabkan dah mengah nak jalan, x sanggup nak amek cab kat old wing. Pakai meter murah cket. Tapi, bantai je lahh sebab dah lelah dah nii. Cakap ngan kakak tu, "Gi Stesen PUDU."

"--puluh ringgit."
"20 ringgit?" Tanye aq, lalu mengeluarkan duit.
"X,x. 30 ringgit."


Ok. Aq menyesal x call Ikram to just get us to Pudu.I forgot my brother had a car. I forgot I have someone with a car to rely on to!! Melayang $$~~ fly fly~~
Xpe, xpe. We are independent women beybeyhhh~~~ hahaha!!
Pastu dalam cab, dah laa mahal, x pasal2 kene bayar duit tol jugak kan!! Ait, aq ingatkan duit tol dy handle? I mean, come on laaa! I paid rm30 okay Mister!!!!! Sabar je la huh. Kire seringgit duit tol tu duit raye kau la... Naseb baek aq x bagi duit tu sambil ckp "Selamat HAri Raye..." jew!!!
Dah sampai pudu, pastu tepat sekali tekaan Ajin. MEMANG kene naek bas dari Stadium Bukit Jalil. So, dari Pudu, naek laa pulak bas shuttle gi stadium....
Dalam bas memang ngantuk. Dah 4 malam aq tido 2 jam je. Sure tersengguk2 dalam bas.

Kat stadium. Ade bazaar. So seblum naek bas sempat gi beli makanan kat situ. 2 Ramlee chicken burgers, french fries, 2 cucuk fishball, one bottle of Coke and one can of Ice Lemon Tea. Purse memang dah kopak, naseb baek Ajin ade duit. ( Aq hutang kau Ajin! =))
Kat sini, I witnessed something incredible. Tengah2 duduk2 tunggu bas kul 6.30, tetibe ternampak seorang lelaki buta tengah jalan kat tengah jalan pakai tongkat. Lelaki tu terlanggar cone kaler oren kat tengah jalan tu. Kesian dy. Kemudian, datang sorang lelaki pegi tolong lelaki buta tu ke kerusi ntuk tunggu bas. Alhamdulillah, dalam dunia yang penuh ngan macam2 ni, masih ade lagi kebaikan. =)

Lepas tu, kat atas bas, aq dan Ajin terjumpe lelaki CUTE. hahaha...
Dah la cute, sopan plak tuh!!! And he's so sweet~ Kan Ajin kan? =p
Ade this old man, duduk kat single seat next to mine. This pakcik was very very friendly. And then suddenly, came this cute boy and said to this uncle la,

"Um, excuse me Uncle. Can I see your seat number?"

Uncle tu cakap, " Oh, am I sitting in your place??". Dan Uncle tu sedia nak bangun dah. Tapi dat boy cakap,

"It's okay uncle. Just tell me your seat no. so I can sit in your place."

Tapi that uncle insist nak bangun jugak. But his plastic bag tersangkut kat seat tu. And then that boy bend over and helped him. All the while, he made small conversations with that uncle. Wahaha... Sangatlah sweet. And then, he made that uncle stayed at his seat, while he sat behind that uncle. All the while, uncle yang friendly conversed with him, talking about his past experience as a tour guide. He said he used to travel all over the world to Perth, Japan and all that. Okay, so I was eavesdropping. =pp
Sometimes I glanced at the boy sitting behind that uncle. He seemed familiar. Tapi xkan la aq kenal pulak kot. Maybe I've seen him somewhere in Jb kot.
He said he's 18. Hohoho.. Muda setahun je... *wicked grin*
Uncle said he lives in Bukit Serene. God, I know that place! It's where the Sultan reside. The boy said he lives in Skudai. Double ho-ho-ho! Dekat je... *bat eyelash*
Me and Ajin was nudging each other and making goo goo eyes already!
Suddenly, uncle turned to us and said,

"And where are you two beautiful girls heading to?"

*blush* Uncle, You're Soo sweet!!! I know for a fact that we both looked very serabai. What with the walk in the rain and being sardine-d in the shuttle bas and heaving 2 large bags.
Anyways, so I said I come from Jb.

And then suddenly, bas conductor tu datang. And he asked the uncle dengan care yang sangat kurang ajar, "Uncle, tengok tiket bas!". WTF laa kan. Kau mude, kau sopan laa siket dengan orang tue cikai. BWat malu orang melayu je BODOHHH.
And the uncle terpakse leave the bus because x cukup seat. Apparently, that uncle's ticket was suppose to be on the 22nd, but he had to leave early. He boarded the hus, because the people at the bus counter in Pudu told him to just get on a bus. Kesian uncle tu. I hope he gets his seat. Dah la hujan kat luar tu. And he's travelling alone. =(
Aq x ske conductor bus yang kurang ajar tu. Dah la pastu dy cube nak usha2 Ajin. HElllooooow, excuse me ,bastard? Not interested in RUDE people!!! DUh.

Then when the uncle was leaving, the boy said, "Be careful Uncle! Take care."
Is that like sweet or what right? Oh, and then, he tegur me. Hohoho......
Me and Ajin tengah melantak burger bile buka puase. I was talking to Ajin and suddenly I felt like he was looking at us. So I looked back. And yeah, he was staring. And I sort of immediately covered my mouth with a tissue paper. MAlu kotttttttt! And he laughed!
Then he asked, "Kenape?".

Really. I was astounded.

I shook my head lah. And I kind of offered him my burger. "Burger?" I said tentatively.
I mean, what else was I suppose to say???!
But he declined and said "Saye dah makan dah kat bawah tadi. Buka puase?" He asked back. And I nodded. And that was it. HUh~ =)

But he was cute. And he seemed familiar.

3 hours later, both of us was already fast asleep. Penat huahhh~
And I arrived in Jb, my favourite place in the world! I tell you, Paris may be the city of lovers, Milan the place for fashionistas, US the land of opportunity, but JOHOR BAHRU is the best place in the whole world coz my heart belongs to it. It's where I sleep. It's where I'm together with my whole family. It has all my childhood memories. It's where I'm schooled. Oh, and my heart sings as I step my foot out of the bus's step onto the pavement~~~~

I have a feeling that this raya is gonna be great. On the second night of raya, I'll be flying to Bandung ya guys!!!! To see my sister Nadiah since she's celebrating there!!! =D
The whole crew is going and I'm excited coz it's gonna be my first flight!!!!

Pray that I have a safe journey to and fro okay? And hopefully the attitudes of the people in Bandung isn't as bad as in Jakarta. I mean, what with the riots and 'sapu Malaysia' thing....

Whatever! I'm still excited! To all Muslims, SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFIRTRI.
Maaf zahir batin, inside out if I've hurt or angered any of you. Whatever good comes from God and whatever bad comes from me and me alone. =)

P/s: Yeah, so I told in my last post that in this post I'm gonna be bimbotic. =ppp
How was that for bimbotic or gedik?? =ppp Hahaha~
Till then!

Friday, September 11, 2009

The fun is in learning.

*Long exhale~*
Finally! I miss this feeling. This feeling that I don't mind studying for the rest of my life. I really don't. I used to think education was fun. And then, for a moment there, during my hard struggle here screwing Ausmat and Ausmat screwing me back double big time, I'm thinking, Damn all this. Damn it all to hell. The process of getting all bruised up and battered from this thing called Asumat itself is not as painful as trying to stay optimistic and be all dignified in front of others. I mean, how easy is it to be all blase and be all cool as cucumber when you see that big fat '0' scrawled on the test paper, just right there beside your name? You'd wish it was scrawled beside someone else's name. I know I did. I sat there in that room, so cold. Surrounded by my classmates and yet felt so alone. So isolated. So so so stupid.

There were echoes in my brain telling me I'm stupid. Amplified even more so when I look around and realization hit me like hard boulder - perhaps it's true that I'm inferior compared to all this crazy smart people. I was staring at the tainted white board without really looking at it, preoccupied with the act of blinking back tears so that they wouldn't fall when I'm in that god forsaken place. And feeling as dirty as the whiteboard. I knew I had to move on. What's the use of pondering over what's been done. The past is the past. I have to get on with my life. But when you feel like your whole dream is crashing down on you along with all your fragile hope, even an inch step forward is a Herculean task.

Back to present time. I no longer care if I was inferior to other people. Or if I was stupid. I cannot change who I am, I can merely become a better person tomorrow than I was today. As for the feeling stupid part, well, if my foolish hope can still blossom despite all these discouraging faggot maggots' whispers inside my brain, then I don't mind being a fool. I am already a fool for all I know. We're all fools when it comes to things we want. Because we would do anything, anything at all to get our hand on 'em. And so just now when I was sitting beside my friend studying Chemistry, I found back what it was to be myself again. I've found that little girl who reads Oxford Dictionary to fill her leisure time, driven also by her father's and brother's criticisms about her bad bad English. I've found again that same girl who flips open the Encyclopedia to read up about some random Greek mythology or ancient history. History has always fascinated me. I've found her, who used to look at the stars in sky at night and questioned about the constellations. I've found her, who studied Japanese dictionary religiously and learned how to write Hiragana and Katakana all by herself. I've found her back. The girl who learns when she reads, or when she's watching something on the television, or even when she's reading a comic book. Knowledge is still a knowledge nevertheless. Despite its sources.

I've rediscovered the thrill of learning. The fun in education. It has always been there. It's just that for a moment, I forgot. Ironically, that feeling got lost when I was right in the act of trying to find it. Learning is not about competition. It's not about trying to prove who's smarter than whom. It's about doing anough for yourself. It's about self-fulfillment. It's also about stoking the fire of your longing to learn more, to get more,to know more. Learning is like quenching thirst. Education is an intoxicating drink that leaves a person wanting more, coming back for seconds and thirds. But it has to be sipped. A student is a connoiseur who has to take his time tasting the wine on his tongue before drinking it in a tall glass.

(Besides,why is adolescence the most interesting phase in anyone's life? Putting aside all the awkwardness and uncomfortableness in growing hair in certain body parts and an epidemic of pimple erruptions, I think it's interesting because it is a phase where we learn a lot about ourselves. (I guess childhood is also a phase where we discover new things, but we would be too young to remember the thrill of discovering something, huh? Anyways, our memories wouldn't be as vivid as we remember things from our adolescence.))

Shit, my brain is overloaded with crap. I've crapped too much!!! Forgive me for all the lavish words. At the moment, I fail to contain my joy at rediscovering my ardent fondness of learning. I feel even more at peace thinking that even if, say, I fail this present fight, learning is an opportunity that lasts for a life time. I would learn something new, everyday, until the day I die.

As of now, though, it's imperative that I do what is needed presently. =)

P/s: I know I sound so gay in this post. Writing blog at 4am in the morning is not such a good idea. I promise I'll be more bimbotic in my next post!!! Ciao~

Thursday, September 10, 2009


Bukan, ni bukan pasal lagu Black Eyed Peas, 'Boom Boom POW'. Ni jugak bukan iklan minuman POWer Roots. Bukan jugak jenis yang kene pow korang kene belanje orang makan tu. Habis tu amende tu POW????

'I'm a prisoner of words unsaid,
Just lonely feelings
Locked away in my head.'

Yeah, Prisoner Of Words. .
Terperangkap dalam satu penjara yang invisible, tapi sebenarnye semua orang tau penjara tu ade je kat situ. It's there when you should've said something, but didn't sebab at the end of the day, kitorang sume cume banduan je. Buat la bunyi bising macam mane pun, last2 still terperangkap dalam lubuk tu jugak kan? Pintu penjara tu xkan terbukak, kunci tetap dipegang ngan pemegang dy. Jadi sebenarnye kalau kite cakap something tu, x berguna lah jugak?
Mungkin x. Abis tu, kalau x, kenape ade je term 'freedom of speech' tu? All that declaration of human rights, betul2 benefit us, or does it benefit a certain group of people je? Ade orang claim, sume tu scientology. Merepek?

Bagi aq lah kan, x kire lah scientology ke x. Masing2 sebenarnye ade hak untuk bersuare. To voice out their opinion. Masuk pulak soalan ni: Abis tu kalau opinion kite tu provoking or menyakitkan sestengah pihak, atau buat sesetengah orang tu judge kite, macam mane pulak tu?
Some opinions are bound to affect certain parties. Opinions jugak berbeza2, tu yang dok provoke orang sane-sini.

Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one. Erk! I saw these words somewhere, but I can't remember where and who said them. haha.. Anyways.....
Ade la aq nak buat satu confession kat sini, sebenarnye aq juga salah sorang 'prisoner of words' ni. X payah carik contoh jauh2, even kat blog ni aje pun aq dah cukup meng-hipokrit-kan diri dengan tidak menonjolkan sape aq sebenarnye. Bukan laa sampai ke tahap nak mencapub, tapi dah laa kat dunia yang nyata sane aq x free ntuk berkate2 what I really mean to say, kat dalam dunie Internet pun nak kene jage jugak ape yang aq nak cakap ke? Ape salah ke kalau aq feel free ntuk just be myself by saying what I really really want to say, ape yang terbuku kat dalam hati ni without feeling afraid that someone out there might judge me? It's not like I'm defaming someone pun kat blog ni. I have no substanstial opinions regarding any political issues, or any famous person, I don't discriminate any races, religions, culture, practices yada yada yada....

Jadi ape masalah sebenarnye?
Sebenarnye..... Kite sendiri yang kurung diri sendiri kat dalam penjare ni. Orang lain x suruh pun kite menutup ape yang kite fikirkan dengan kesenyapan. Hahah.. *ayat memang x boleh blah!!* (hey, freedom of speech okay! Don't judge!). We're bound by this fear of being scrutinized and judged by another, not liberated from the insecurity of not fitting in. Cume orang yang betul2 have strong sense of justice and devil-may-care with that real "I-really-don't-give-a-shit" punye attitude barulah x kesah ngan ape orang laen nak fikir pasal dyrang. Sadly and unfortunately, not many of us is as brave as that. Macam aq jugak. Pengecut. HUH.

Dah 19 tahun hidup, and yet aq belum pernah lagi bwat something groundbreaking. I think I should start by liberating myself from this prison. All influential men in this world have something in common. And that is all of them are not afraid to let their voices be heard. Martin Luther King. Gandhi.

So, mulai skarang, blog nih mungkin akan transform cket. Knowing myself, my future posts may contain more explicit stuff. Mungkin the occasional swearings and biting sarcasm akan mendominate sesetengah post aq. Mungkin jugak sesetengah post aq akan be in excess gedik-ness. I mean, come on la, tgk laa sape writer dy kan???? DUH! Maka, selepas ni, kalau x ske the way I write, get out~ leave~ right now~ it's the end of you and me~

But I don't mean to hurt anyone. I just need to express myself freely.

Monday, September 7, 2009


Groggily i watched the clock on my handphone.


ARGHHH!!!! WTF?! I was suppose to get up early and go to college and study and everything!!
I'm not much of a planner, but when I well have planned something, I expect it to go smoothly like that model's skin in LUX ad. (!!)

And now, the half of today's plan has gone KAPUT. Cuz the whole house didn't wake up for sahur, and I was suppose to be reading something up after sahur actually.... And now, INSTEAD of being in the college library's squeezing my brain for juice, I'm at my table BLOGGIN about how everything didn't go according to plan~ (=_____=lll)

I ought to be shot, really. I spend my nights before going to sleep formulating plans and all that but in the end I'm still me old-JUST-GO-AHEAD-AND-DO-IT-self.

Can't really complain really. You, know, Humans plan but God makes them happen.

Okay, reaaaaaaaaaaaaally gotta go now. Morning didn't go so well, (freakin spent it with ZZZzzz...) but I still have the whole day ahead of me! =D


Sunday, September 6, 2009

bebola nasi onigiri


A plain rice flavoured with salt.

Fillings: umeboshi, (or) tarako (or) kombu.

Shape: Ball-shaped, rectangular or triangular planar. I mean, triangular. (Bent-shaped takdak.)


An onigiri comes to life. Followed by another. And another. And another. And another..... Like Night in the Musuem only that this occurs in a kitchen.

The first onigiri, called Onigiri takes a look at his friend also named Onigiri and starts admiring his friend:

"Woah. Niiiceee~ He has a star-shaped filling at the back of his rice-body. But, but,how come I don't have one too?"

And the Onigiri starts crying.

Onigiri with a star-shaped filling now takes a look at the crying Onigiri. Surprise, surprise, the crying Onigiri has a circular filling at the back of his rice-body.

Star-onigiri feels depressed. " Now, how come, I don't have a filling on me too???"

The star-onigiri commited suicide by jumping off the table.

Two onigiris see this and rushed to the edge of the table.

"What- the happened???!"

"I dunno!"

One of the two onigiris cannot help but notice that his friend the-worried-Onigiri has a heart-shaped filling at the back of his rice-body.

He too, is overwrought with jealousy, and he pushed the heart-onigiri off the table.

Fortunately, heart-onigiri sticks on the edge of the table. But he knows he doesn't have much time before he falls.

He says to his friend onigiri who pushed him,

"Before I splat on the floor and die a horrible death any rice ball could imagine, I have to tell you something I have always wanted to say to you.......

That you have the coolest filling at the back of your body which I've always wish I had."

And the onigiri falls off the table,joining the (now unrecognisable) onigiri that commited suicide on the linoleum floor of the kitchen.


So? All I'm saying is, onigiris don't have necks to see their own fillings at the back of their bodies.


Friday, September 4, 2009

thank you for asking!

Lately I've been getting a lot of "Are you okay?" from a lot of people. I don't know what makes them ask me that.. I've never felt better! I mean, MOCK is coming but is it weird if I say that I'm kind of looking forward to it? Not that I'm supremely confident that I can do well, but I sure as hell hope that I do! Guess I just can't wait to show what I'm capable of. To prove something, not to anyone, but just to myself. I'd been disappointing myself considerably a lot since the beginning of the year. Now I want to do better. It has nothing to do with approval, it has nothing to do with competition or rivalry.

I just want to rise up to the challenge. I want to win against myself. I want to gain something for myself.

This sounds kind of selfish, but if I don't do it for myself, who's gonna do it for me? No one's living my life, but my own self, hence is it wrong if I want to do something because I want it and not because what other people want out of me? Of course, on the way of fulfilling this dream and hope of mine, I hope I will do my parents proud. My friends. My teachers. My country.
I'm doing this because of my faith. My inner conscience.

So right now, I feel pressured but it's a good kind of pressure you know? Like, this high pressure increases the forward reaction and hence increase the yield of the product. (Rate of equilibrium~ hahahaaaa!). A small amount of stress is necessary to get me going I think. I work best under pressure. (I hope so!) =p
Anyways, maybe I'm not being my usual gila2 self lately. I think that part of me have to take a break kejap. Berehat sebentar bersame kit-kat. (After breaking fast.DUH). Gotta focus bebeh, focus!! I have to get back on track and join this rat-race towards success!!

~God Almighty, there is no convenience unless you make it convenient for us and only You are the most capable of making a certain challenge easy anytime You wish for it.

Ganbate ne! =D

Monday, August 31, 2009

the ugly duckling

The ugly duckling stood in front of a mirror. Her critical eyes roamed every inch of her body, from the coarse tuft of hair on top of her round head right down to her feet. But what she hated the most, oh how she hated it, was her mouth. It looked like a duck's beak. The ugly did a 180 and looked at his ample derriere, craning her neck as she did so. Now there's another reason to add to my misery. She did not wonder why she became the butt of the jokes (pun truly intended) of her family and friends.

The duckling then walked with her signature awkward gait to a rock near a pond where her whole family were swimming. She sighed as she looked at a swan which perched prettily on a huge rock at the middle of the pond while all the males flocked to her side. The swan held herself regally with a serene expression etched on her beautiful face. Her feathers were as white as snow during winter her long, slender neck struck the perfect balance between grace and strength. Oh, how I envy the swans! Cried the ugly duckling.

Years have passed and unlike the bed-time story for wide-eyed innocent little children, the ugly duckling did not grow to be a beutiful swan. Appearancewise, she was still her dull and drab self, the stark contrast of her plain look was highlighted even more so when she sat beside the graceful swan. But what the ugly duckling lacked in looks, she made up with her personality.
Possessing steely determination, light-heartedness and sincerity, wit, humour and humbleness,
the ugly duckling became quite a vivacious character.

And the ugly duckling lived happpily ever after?

That is yet to be seen. But let's keep our hopes up and pray for the best for the ugly duckling.
I'm pretty sure she would find have her happy ending before the curtains are drawn.

Friday, August 28, 2009


The class was freakin boring. Full with boring people with dull conversation. Speaking to them made her roll her contact-lensed eyes. These people talked of philosophy and politics. Who gives a damn about a group of old men who behaves like immature kiddos in a round room furnished with long tables. As for philosophy... Well, she could only care so much about what Voltaire said as much as she cared about the grass that grew at the back of her house. To quote American Wedding, "Voltaire can suck on ------- "(Finish that line, you know it.)

Pippa fidgeted in her seat. She had been silent since the moment she entered the classroom. This, was superbly unnnatural for her because she, is Pippa. The drama queen. The chatterbox who could blabber on endlessly about anything and nothing to almost anyone and everyone, interesting or otherwise. Just as she was about to get up from her seat to escape the suffocating atmosphere in the class, a man approached and sat in the seat next to her. "Hello there." said the man.

Oh goody! Thought Pippa. She was just about to pass out from the saturated intellectual aura that seem to radiate and seep out the pores of every other person in the class. And she was getting extremely bored too when here came a man who could be her Mother Teresa.

"Oh, hello!" she replied excitedly. "Are you new here too??" she asked him.

The man laughed. Hmm.... kind of cute.

"No,not really. I saw you sitting alone, so I thought I'd come over and say hi." the man replied with a charming smile that crinkled up the skin at the corners of his eyes.

Pippa smiled wryly and said, "Mmmm, yeah. It's actually kind of weird for me to have nothing to talk about. I'm usually not this quiet."

"Oh? Why is that?" asked the man in earnest.

Pippa almost blurted out, "Because the people in this room suck." But she caught herself before she said it and instead, replied a safe answer. "Oh, I guess I'm just not familiar with you guys yet." she said airily. The man seem to perk up at this and said to her, "Then let's put a stop to this silence! I seem to have just the perfect topic for us to talk about. You know, to get you warmed up and maybe then you would become more involved."

Riiiiiight. Pippa began to to have a feeling that she was not going to like what was coming next. The man seemed patronizing, but she gave him the benefit and the doubt and chirped a (fake) enthusiastic "Sure!"

Then the man started to talk about politics. He blabbered on and on and on, she was struglling so hard to control her eyes from glazing over the words that are coming out of his mouth. Pippa could comprehend the basic of what the man was enthusiasticly talking about but politics was not what she had in mind when this guy approached her. She thought he would talk about something fun like.. Like, anything, but politics. After all, who would choose politics as a topic for a conversation with a person you met for the first time. Duh!
Pippa was not stupid nor ignorant, she was aware of the latest political news. She just did not think there was a need to make politics as a day to day conversation. It's so bleak and dull to talk about something so serious early in the morning. She'd rather talk about mundane things like the weather and other stuff but THIS.

"So, what do you think?" asked the man after a half an hour of his opinionated statements regarding the current state of the government.

"Uh......." was all Pippa could come up with. Then, she said "Yeah. That's right, I agree with you."

The man seemed unimpressed. Then he moved on to talking about the country's economy! Pippa groaned inwardly. She honestly couldn't take it anymore. Without warning she blurted out,

"Hey, yeah. You know, I gotta run. I left my stuff at the library." and she quickly stoop up and gathered her books on the table and stuff them in her stylish leather duffel from Dorothy Perkins. The man's face seem to fall when he said "Oh, okay."

Pippa smiled wryly and mumbled "Nice meeting ya." and quickly make her escape through the front door, leaving the invariable conversations of philosophies, politics, economy and the state affairs behind her as she shut the door.

She stood still in front of the door and exhaled in relief. She thought,

Sorry kiddo. It's not me, it's you and the whole class.

Then she walked to the lift and pushed the button to go down to the cafeteria and meet her girlfriends.

-Pippa's Take on Boring Conversations-

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

MOCK, do not mock me!

Berikut ialah pesanan daripada Kementerian Kesihatan:

Simptom2 H1N1:

1. Seram sejuk
2. Insomnia
3. Selera makan berkurangan
4. Selera makan BERTAMBAH2
5. Mimpi ngeri di waktu malam (e.g: dikejar HP calculator)
6. Tidak bermaya
7. Tersandar di dinding dengan ekxpresi muka keliru
8. Fatigue/ letih2 badan


Berikut ialah simptom2 orang yg menghidapi Ausmatatis. Sesiapa yang mempunyai simptom2 tersebut hendaklah meng-kuarantin-kan dirinya dan membuat pemeriksaan otak.

Marilah bersama2 membasmi epidemik ini. Majulah pemuda untuk negara~


Saturday, August 22, 2009

it's not the same

Ramadhan has come and while a part of my heart feels a certain joy of celebrating it, another melancholic side of it feels a dull ache of missing them terribly. My family, that is. I miss spending time with them. Every year, this holy fasting month brings us closer together. Now I need them more than ever, but I can't show them that. I have to be strong as I've always showed them time and again.

But,oh, how I miss those walks at the bazaar just right up the corner from my house. With the evening clouds stained orange I would walk with Yayang or Nadiah just around 6, salivating at the sight of rows and rows of steaming hot food on display. The bazaar near my house is 2 blocks of shop houses long with a variety of food. Our favourite food would be this delicious kueh teaw goreng with kerang, sprinkled with crunchy bean-sprouts. And then, of course, laksa penang and laksa johor. Nasi kerabu. Nasi dagang. Roasted chicken. Ulam jantung with sambal belacan. Ikan pari panggang dengan sambal. *salivating*
Sometimes we would buy different kinds of drink from the bazaar too. Most delicious so far would be air kelapa,cincau and air katira.
And desserts......... (*0*)
Cakes, puddings, caramelized puddings *massive salivating*, and Ah! Of course, kuih lopeh! My no. 1 favourite!

I love kuih lopeh sooo much that once when I was searching for it with such focus and determination, I walked right pass this boy whom I've had massive crush upon without entirely realizing it! Only after I've found my kuih lopef my friend whom I ran into told me she saw the whole thing happenning and that I was totally out of it because of my damn obsession with kuih lopeh. (=_=''')

Breaking fast back at home is usually around 7. Way quicker compared to here. So, once my siblings and I reach home, we would set up the table. My mom seldom cooked, but sometimes she would make steamboats and fry mee goreng or tauhu goreng to add up to the food we bought. After setting up the table, someone would have to go and summon Ikram, the bugger to get his lazy ass to the kitchen. Then, we would wait. Straight up the corner of my house, is the mosque. And I would often stand at the front door of my house and listen for the azan.

Once, we hear the azan, we would break our fast. It is usually this time, I would feel very at peace with everything that surrounds me. The quiet spaces of my house, the sound of birds chirping outside, and the first 10 minutes of breaking fast at the dinner table at my house. Because no one would be talking as they are busy chewing their food. But, after that, well, back to same old din.

What I also miss, is walking to the mosque with my sisters and my mom. Or when we walk back home. I am never quiet during these walks. I would kacau and kacau and kacau Yayang until her nose flare with irritation. ( Yeah, your nose flare, moyang!)
Or, I would be sharing a story with Nadiah during one of these walks.
And then, once we reach our home, we would all race to the fridge and who gets there first would get the caramelized pudding!Hahaaa~ (Usually saved for late night supper.)


Here, where I presently reside, I feel a sharp longing of being back in Jb. Why? Because I'm having cornflakes for sahur and bread with tuna and mushroom soup for breaking fast? Maybe not. Maybe yeah. But then again, isn't the whole point if fasting is to also get a feel of what it's like living with little food on the platter and little water to quench the thirst?
I don't really care about food. It's not a big issue. What I care is that I won't have the oppoturnity to spend this Ramadhan with my loved ones.

And people keep telling me that, no worries, just a few more months to go, and then this fight will come to a short intermission. =p
Yeah, heck, I know that. But still, that don't keep me from feeling just a little bit lonely here~

Home is where the heart is.
My heart is detached from my body.
Homesickness resurfaces.
Those who have not felt it because they can go home anytime they want can shut the heck up, because my heart is not in to listen to words said.
(tgh menyirap sbb jeles tgk org laen boleh balek... uhuhuuuu~~ (T__T)

Bersabarlah natto!!!! You can do this!!!! You are strong bebeh! Grrrr~~