Sunday, April 26, 2009

i dare you to try this for math test.

If only everything was this easy....

miss effa, this actually does make sense!

ahh.. well,, try harder teacher.

haha.. i think i've done this mistake before..

expand lagi!!!!!!
dats all for now~ =)
gud luck for math test. hahaa~

Saturday, April 25, 2009

i don't know. i miss you.

hey, this is just something for you. i've never done anything like this before.

my dear friend,

i miss you so damned much.

we have never fought this long before.

it's true what people say, that you'll never know what you have till it's gone.

And i have to tell you, that my life actually SUCKED without you.

It sucks so much i can barely function now.

I know there's a part of me missing, and that part of me is with you.

with you far from me, it's hard to make everything clear.

We have done so many mistakes, and hurt each other too much.

It kills me inside to know that i almost lose you,

and lose this friendship we cherish so much.

How else can i make it clear to you?

That i'm a complicated woman.

I know not how to let you know what's on my mind.

I'm an idiot when it comes to showing what i really feel.

Will you believe me if i say that i feel vulnerable-

being stripped off my shield makes me feel insecure.

I'm so scared of getting hurt i end up hurting you too.

And in doing so, in the end i wound up in despair valley too.

I hate myself for actually hurting u

and i hate myself even more when you failed to understand

what kind of person i am.

I had never hated you.

I like you best when you are happy

and when you comfort me

It feels almost like no one could would be

as fiercely loyal as you are to me.

I feel sad and cheated

when you doubted me

Like i was unworthy of your trust.

But it's okay. I guess i'm just easily misunderstood.
i hope everything will be okay. again.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

don't read this.

I'm telling you readers, please don't read this.
It's just yet another sacrificial post in order for me to kill, in order for me to stay sane in the middle of this tumult I'm facing.

Because this post is gonna hurt. It is. My advice to you is,

Anyway, yeah. I'm having yet ANOTHER fight my best best best friend in the world.
It's just so endless. I don't know why.
Okay, actually I do know why.
We are so different.
We had our good times, and also bad times. Many bad times, mind you.
Maybe tolerance always brought us back together.
But I don't think that's the main reason.
I think mostly is because she is a kind person.
She has her good points. Of course.
But as is natural for every human being, she has flaws. Just as I do. Just as anyone does.

I can tolerate her flaws. Because to me, I have flaws too. So if I can't accept this, then it's almost the same as not acknowledging that we are humans.
But the problem comes when she can't accept my flaws.
She can accept some to be fair.
But because she's just so fussy, (bapak cerewet),
bapak kuat merajuk, and so insecure, it gets me irritated.

Ok, la. To be fair, all woman have the trait of 'kuat merajuk'.
But, the insecurity?
I make new friends and she's so convinced that I have forgotten her.
Kacang lupakan kulit.
My friends told me she's jealous. To me, yes. She is, but I think I can handle that.
But times come to when I can't handle that when it keeps on repeating EVERY DAMN TIME.
High school, college...
What else can i tell you, to ensure you that just because i have new friends, doesn't mean i have forgotten my old ones?

So these are all the questions I really want to ask her, but I DON'T want any answers.

Why can't you see me be happy?
What's wrong if i'm happy with someone else besides you?
You don't owe me, so what's wrong with me doing what i want to do?
Like posting this post about you. Why the F do i have to delete it? It's my blog.
I can do whatever the F i want to do with it.
Why do you have to be so damn controlling?
And why why why why why do you have to exaggerate every little things.
It's remeh temeh. And we're fighting over this small thing.
Like about that birthday wish. Remember, it's like in standard 5 when we also fight about the same thing when you ask me how come i never give you birthday presents.
Only that, this time it's about birthday wishes.
I gave you a short birthday wish. SO? Do you want it, or not?
Take it or leave it. Coz if you're gonna expect something more elaborate and extravagant than that, I'm sorry, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THINGS.
Ask aishah about her birthday wish. I forgot to wish her because I freakin fell asleep.
I was so darned tired and i fell asleep.
The birthday girl had to call me later. I was apologetic. She was sad, but she accepted it.

I hate comparing you guys. I hate it.
And yet, because you like to compare yourself to others, then i'm just giving you what you want.
You like to ask questions like,
"Do others also get this same treatment from you?"
"Birthday org lain boleh je kau happy?"

IT's SO DAMN CHILDISh laa woman. Will you grow up already?
Again with the damn birthday thing. What the fcuk is it with you and birthdays?

God, sometimes i think it's better to be friends with boys than girls.
BOys don't think about small things like birthdays.
I hate this.
I hate this.
I hate this.
It's so messing up my mind.

It gets me (who doesn't like studying) to think
"daripade aq kusut kepale otak pk psl ko and masalah ni, baek aq study."
mak and abah, sorry my last result wasn't that good.
I'll try harder. adn i'll just ignore this stupid problem i have.

To my dear friend,
just leave me alone for a while.
I can't stand being around you at the moment.
It's obvious that we're not good for each other at the moment.