Friday, September 18, 2009

making my way down south

Ah yes!! Am currently writing this post using my home computer. Which means... I;m already back in JB!!! WOOOT WOOT~~~~ =D *muke bahagie x terhingge*

Okay, flashback ke mase aq nak bertolak balek. Ajin and I walked in the rain carrying all those heavy bags. 1___1 sobs.

Habis je paper Econs, aq balek rumah dan lihat makhluk kecik bername Ya (roomate aq lahh DUH) tergolek di atas katil. BEst nye, nak join, but i gotta pack my things first. Maka, siap2 pack, me and ajin decided ntuk kluar awal, takot jam. Hujan baru berhenti. NAk call cab tapi.. tapi.. xde no. cab. Nak tumpang kereta Nana, but she was sleeping in her room. In fact, sume orang kat rumah tu tgh tido when I was leaving the house. What a sad way to say goodbye with just a note sayin " SELAMAT HARI RAYE~ muaaahhhhs~ from awek Chuck, NAd." But I didn't have the heart to wake them up from sleep. Everyone was very sleep deprived after a week of MOCK! ARGHH! What an epidemic of panda eyes and pimples and blackheads! hahaha.. I didn't get to sleep though because I need to pack my bags. So Ajin and I made our way to OU to get a cab. Due awek cun jalan2 dengan bag berat. =p

Tengah2 jalan, we complained about how heavy our bags are. Yelah, mane x berat kan? Kasut raye ngan laptop ngan baju2 sume! Tu pun naseb baek aq x bawak balek buku Cutnell Physics. X kuase I nak mentelaah time2 raye nih~~ *Huh. Flip rambut dengan gediknye* And we complained about how it would be extremely niiiiiice if we had our very own car. Lepas tu ade laa satu cab nii lalu, hon kat kitorang tapi bukan nak stop, cikaiiiiiiiiii. YOU DON't HONK at Moi IF You Don't WAnna Stop okay???! And lepas tu, we ran into a proton wira. I didn't see, but Ajin kate tu Poh Hui dengan Nic and Calvin. Oh, how nice! Move on, move on..... Tiba-tiba....

Hujan turun balek da......!!!!!!!

Me ngan Ajin dah malu gile kan. Gile x cool jalan2 ngan beg 3 bijik (including handbags) tengah hujan!!!!! But we maintained our cool. Dah nak sampai Ou dah pun. Ajin cakap, "Ape2 pun yang penting jangan lari. Bwat2 cool je." SET. No way nak lari dalam hujan ngan beg besar gaban. Finally, finally!!!!! Sampai Ou. Disebabkan dah mengah nak jalan, x sanggup nak amek cab kat old wing. Pakai meter murah cket. Tapi, bantai je lahh sebab dah lelah dah nii. Cakap ngan kakak tu, "Gi Stesen PUDU."

"--puluh ringgit."
"20 ringgit?" Tanye aq, lalu mengeluarkan duit.
"X,x. 30 ringgit."


Ok. Aq menyesal x call Ikram to just get us to Pudu.I forgot my brother had a car. I forgot I have someone with a car to rely on to!! Melayang $$~~ fly fly~~
Xpe, xpe. We are independent women beybeyhhh~~~ hahaha!!
Pastu dalam cab, dah laa mahal, x pasal2 kene bayar duit tol jugak kan!! Ait, aq ingatkan duit tol dy handle? I mean, come on laaa! I paid rm30 okay Mister!!!!! Sabar je la huh. Kire seringgit duit tol tu duit raye kau la... Naseb baek aq x bagi duit tu sambil ckp "Selamat HAri Raye..." jew!!!
Dah sampai pudu, pastu tepat sekali tekaan Ajin. MEMANG kene naek bas dari Stadium Bukit Jalil. So, dari Pudu, naek laa pulak bas shuttle gi stadium....
Dalam bas memang ngantuk. Dah 4 malam aq tido 2 jam je. Sure tersengguk2 dalam bas.

Kat stadium. Ade bazaar. So seblum naek bas sempat gi beli makanan kat situ. 2 Ramlee chicken burgers, french fries, 2 cucuk fishball, one bottle of Coke and one can of Ice Lemon Tea. Purse memang dah kopak, naseb baek Ajin ade duit. ( Aq hutang kau Ajin! =))
Kat sini, I witnessed something incredible. Tengah2 duduk2 tunggu bas kul 6.30, tetibe ternampak seorang lelaki buta tengah jalan kat tengah jalan pakai tongkat. Lelaki tu terlanggar cone kaler oren kat tengah jalan tu. Kesian dy. Kemudian, datang sorang lelaki pegi tolong lelaki buta tu ke kerusi ntuk tunggu bas. Alhamdulillah, dalam dunia yang penuh ngan macam2 ni, masih ade lagi kebaikan. =)

Lepas tu, kat atas bas, aq dan Ajin terjumpe lelaki CUTE. hahaha...
Dah la cute, sopan plak tuh!!! And he's so sweet~ Kan Ajin kan? =p
Ade this old man, duduk kat single seat next to mine. This pakcik was very very friendly. And then suddenly, came this cute boy and said to this uncle la,

"Um, excuse me Uncle. Can I see your seat number?"

Uncle tu cakap, " Oh, am I sitting in your place??". Dan Uncle tu sedia nak bangun dah. Tapi dat boy cakap,

"It's okay uncle. Just tell me your seat no. so I can sit in your place."

Tapi that uncle insist nak bangun jugak. But his plastic bag tersangkut kat seat tu. And then that boy bend over and helped him. All the while, he made small conversations with that uncle. Wahaha... Sangatlah sweet. And then, he made that uncle stayed at his seat, while he sat behind that uncle. All the while, uncle yang friendly conversed with him, talking about his past experience as a tour guide. He said he used to travel all over the world to Perth, Japan and all that. Okay, so I was eavesdropping. =pp
Sometimes I glanced at the boy sitting behind that uncle. He seemed familiar. Tapi xkan la aq kenal pulak kot. Maybe I've seen him somewhere in Jb kot.
He said he's 18. Hohoho.. Muda setahun je... *wicked grin*
Uncle said he lives in Bukit Serene. God, I know that place! It's where the Sultan reside. The boy said he lives in Skudai. Double ho-ho-ho! Dekat je... *bat eyelash*
Me and Ajin was nudging each other and making goo goo eyes already!
Suddenly, uncle turned to us and said,

"And where are you two beautiful girls heading to?"

*blush* Uncle, You're Soo sweet!!! I know for a fact that we both looked very serabai. What with the walk in the rain and being sardine-d in the shuttle bas and heaving 2 large bags.
Anyways, so I said I come from Jb.

And then suddenly, bas conductor tu datang. And he asked the uncle dengan care yang sangat kurang ajar, "Uncle, tengok tiket bas!". WTF laa kan. Kau mude, kau sopan laa siket dengan orang tue cikai. BWat malu orang melayu je BODOHHH.
And the uncle terpakse leave the bus because x cukup seat. Apparently, that uncle's ticket was suppose to be on the 22nd, but he had to leave early. He boarded the hus, because the people at the bus counter in Pudu told him to just get on a bus. Kesian uncle tu. I hope he gets his seat. Dah la hujan kat luar tu. And he's travelling alone. =(
Aq x ske conductor bus yang kurang ajar tu. Dah la pastu dy cube nak usha2 Ajin. HElllooooow, excuse me ,bastard? Not interested in RUDE people!!! DUh.

Then when the uncle was leaving, the boy said, "Be careful Uncle! Take care."
Is that like sweet or what right? Oh, and then, he tegur me. Hohoho......
Me and Ajin tengah melantak burger bile buka puase. I was talking to Ajin and suddenly I felt like he was looking at us. So I looked back. And yeah, he was staring. And I sort of immediately covered my mouth with a tissue paper. MAlu kotttttttt! And he laughed!
Then he asked, "Kenape?".

Really. I was astounded.

I shook my head lah. And I kind of offered him my burger. "Burger?" I said tentatively.
I mean, what else was I suppose to say???!
But he declined and said "Saye dah makan dah kat bawah tadi. Buka puase?" He asked back. And I nodded. And that was it. HUh~ =)

But he was cute. And he seemed familiar.

3 hours later, both of us was already fast asleep. Penat huahhh~
And I arrived in Jb, my favourite place in the world! I tell you, Paris may be the city of lovers, Milan the place for fashionistas, US the land of opportunity, but JOHOR BAHRU is the best place in the whole world coz my heart belongs to it. It's where I sleep. It's where I'm together with my whole family. It has all my childhood memories. It's where I'm schooled. Oh, and my heart sings as I step my foot out of the bus's step onto the pavement~~~~

I have a feeling that this raya is gonna be great. On the second night of raya, I'll be flying to Bandung ya guys!!!! To see my sister Nadiah since she's celebrating there!!! =D
The whole crew is going and I'm excited coz it's gonna be my first flight!!!!

Pray that I have a safe journey to and fro okay? And hopefully the attitudes of the people in Bandung isn't as bad as in Jakarta. I mean, what with the riots and 'sapu Malaysia' thing....

Whatever! I'm still excited! To all Muslims, SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFIRTRI.
Maaf zahir batin, inside out if I've hurt or angered any of you. Whatever good comes from God and whatever bad comes from me and me alone. =)

P/s: Yeah, so I told in my last post that in this post I'm gonna be bimbotic. =ppp
How was that for bimbotic or gedik?? =ppp Hahaha~
Till then!

Friday, September 11, 2009

The fun is in learning.

*Long exhale~*
Finally! I miss this feeling. This feeling that I don't mind studying for the rest of my life. I really don't. I used to think education was fun. And then, for a moment there, during my hard struggle here screwing Ausmat and Ausmat screwing me back double big time, I'm thinking, Damn all this. Damn it all to hell. The process of getting all bruised up and battered from this thing called Asumat itself is not as painful as trying to stay optimistic and be all dignified in front of others. I mean, how easy is it to be all blase and be all cool as cucumber when you see that big fat '0' scrawled on the test paper, just right there beside your name? You'd wish it was scrawled beside someone else's name. I know I did. I sat there in that room, so cold. Surrounded by my classmates and yet felt so alone. So isolated. So so so stupid.

There were echoes in my brain telling me I'm stupid. Amplified even more so when I look around and realization hit me like hard boulder - perhaps it's true that I'm inferior compared to all this crazy smart people. I was staring at the tainted white board without really looking at it, preoccupied with the act of blinking back tears so that they wouldn't fall when I'm in that god forsaken place. And feeling as dirty as the whiteboard. I knew I had to move on. What's the use of pondering over what's been done. The past is the past. I have to get on with my life. But when you feel like your whole dream is crashing down on you along with all your fragile hope, even an inch step forward is a Herculean task.

Back to present time. I no longer care if I was inferior to other people. Or if I was stupid. I cannot change who I am, I can merely become a better person tomorrow than I was today. As for the feeling stupid part, well, if my foolish hope can still blossom despite all these discouraging faggot maggots' whispers inside my brain, then I don't mind being a fool. I am already a fool for all I know. We're all fools when it comes to things we want. Because we would do anything, anything at all to get our hand on 'em. And so just now when I was sitting beside my friend studying Chemistry, I found back what it was to be myself again. I've found that little girl who reads Oxford Dictionary to fill her leisure time, driven also by her father's and brother's criticisms about her bad bad English. I've found again that same girl who flips open the Encyclopedia to read up about some random Greek mythology or ancient history. History has always fascinated me. I've found her, who used to look at the stars in sky at night and questioned about the constellations. I've found her, who studied Japanese dictionary religiously and learned how to write Hiragana and Katakana all by herself. I've found her back. The girl who learns when she reads, or when she's watching something on the television, or even when she's reading a comic book. Knowledge is still a knowledge nevertheless. Despite its sources.

I've rediscovered the thrill of learning. The fun in education. It has always been there. It's just that for a moment, I forgot. Ironically, that feeling got lost when I was right in the act of trying to find it. Learning is not about competition. It's not about trying to prove who's smarter than whom. It's about doing anough for yourself. It's about self-fulfillment. It's also about stoking the fire of your longing to learn more, to get more,to know more. Learning is like quenching thirst. Education is an intoxicating drink that leaves a person wanting more, coming back for seconds and thirds. But it has to be sipped. A student is a connoiseur who has to take his time tasting the wine on his tongue before drinking it in a tall glass.

(Besides,why is adolescence the most interesting phase in anyone's life? Putting aside all the awkwardness and uncomfortableness in growing hair in certain body parts and an epidemic of pimple erruptions, I think it's interesting because it is a phase where we learn a lot about ourselves. (I guess childhood is also a phase where we discover new things, but we would be too young to remember the thrill of discovering something, huh? Anyways, our memories wouldn't be as vivid as we remember things from our adolescence.))

Shit, my brain is overloaded with crap. I've crapped too much!!! Forgive me for all the lavish words. At the moment, I fail to contain my joy at rediscovering my ardent fondness of learning. I feel even more at peace thinking that even if, say, I fail this present fight, learning is an opportunity that lasts for a life time. I would learn something new, everyday, until the day I die.

As of now, though, it's imperative that I do what is needed presently. =)

P/s: I know I sound so gay in this post. Writing blog at 4am in the morning is not such a good idea. I promise I'll be more bimbotic in my next post!!! Ciao~

Thursday, September 10, 2009


Bukan, ni bukan pasal lagu Black Eyed Peas, 'Boom Boom POW'. Ni jugak bukan iklan minuman POWer Roots. Bukan jugak jenis yang kene pow korang kene belanje orang makan tu. Habis tu amende tu POW????

'I'm a prisoner of words unsaid,
Just lonely feelings
Locked away in my head.'

Yeah, Prisoner Of Words. .
Terperangkap dalam satu penjara yang invisible, tapi sebenarnye semua orang tau penjara tu ade je kat situ. It's there when you should've said something, but didn't sebab at the end of the day, kitorang sume cume banduan je. Buat la bunyi bising macam mane pun, last2 still terperangkap dalam lubuk tu jugak kan? Pintu penjara tu xkan terbukak, kunci tetap dipegang ngan pemegang dy. Jadi sebenarnye kalau kite cakap something tu, x berguna lah jugak?
Mungkin x. Abis tu, kalau x, kenape ade je term 'freedom of speech' tu? All that declaration of human rights, betul2 benefit us, or does it benefit a certain group of people je? Ade orang claim, sume tu scientology. Merepek?

Bagi aq lah kan, x kire lah scientology ke x. Masing2 sebenarnye ade hak untuk bersuare. To voice out their opinion. Masuk pulak soalan ni: Abis tu kalau opinion kite tu provoking or menyakitkan sestengah pihak, atau buat sesetengah orang tu judge kite, macam mane pulak tu?
Some opinions are bound to affect certain parties. Opinions jugak berbeza2, tu yang dok provoke orang sane-sini.

Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one. Erk! I saw these words somewhere, but I can't remember where and who said them. haha.. Anyways.....
Ade la aq nak buat satu confession kat sini, sebenarnye aq juga salah sorang 'prisoner of words' ni. X payah carik contoh jauh2, even kat blog ni aje pun aq dah cukup meng-hipokrit-kan diri dengan tidak menonjolkan sape aq sebenarnye. Bukan laa sampai ke tahap nak mencapub, tapi dah laa kat dunia yang nyata sane aq x free ntuk berkate2 what I really mean to say, kat dalam dunie Internet pun nak kene jage jugak ape yang aq nak cakap ke? Ape salah ke kalau aq feel free ntuk just be myself by saying what I really really want to say, ape yang terbuku kat dalam hati ni without feeling afraid that someone out there might judge me? It's not like I'm defaming someone pun kat blog ni. I have no substanstial opinions regarding any political issues, or any famous person, I don't discriminate any races, religions, culture, practices yada yada yada....

Jadi ape masalah sebenarnye?
Sebenarnye..... Kite sendiri yang kurung diri sendiri kat dalam penjare ni. Orang lain x suruh pun kite menutup ape yang kite fikirkan dengan kesenyapan. Hahah.. *ayat memang x boleh blah!!* (hey, freedom of speech okay! Don't judge!). We're bound by this fear of being scrutinized and judged by another, not liberated from the insecurity of not fitting in. Cume orang yang betul2 have strong sense of justice and devil-may-care with that real "I-really-don't-give-a-shit" punye attitude barulah x kesah ngan ape orang laen nak fikir pasal dyrang. Sadly and unfortunately, not many of us is as brave as that. Macam aq jugak. Pengecut. HUH.

Dah 19 tahun hidup, and yet aq belum pernah lagi bwat something groundbreaking. I think I should start by liberating myself from this prison. All influential men in this world have something in common. And that is all of them are not afraid to let their voices be heard. Martin Luther King. Gandhi.

So, mulai skarang, blog nih mungkin akan transform cket. Knowing myself, my future posts may contain more explicit stuff. Mungkin the occasional swearings and biting sarcasm akan mendominate sesetengah post aq. Mungkin jugak sesetengah post aq akan be in excess gedik-ness. I mean, come on la, tgk laa sape writer dy kan???? DUH! Maka, selepas ni, kalau x ske the way I write, get out~ leave~ right now~ it's the end of you and me~

But I don't mean to hurt anyone. I just need to express myself freely.

Monday, September 7, 2009


Groggily i watched the clock on my handphone.


ARGHHH!!!! WTF?! I was suppose to get up early and go to college and study and everything!!
I'm not much of a planner, but when I well have planned something, I expect it to go smoothly like that model's skin in LUX ad. (!!)

And now, the half of today's plan has gone KAPUT. Cuz the whole house didn't wake up for sahur, and I was suppose to be reading something up after sahur actually.... And now, INSTEAD of being in the college library's squeezing my brain for juice, I'm at my table BLOGGIN about how everything didn't go according to plan~ (=_____=lll)

I ought to be shot, really. I spend my nights before going to sleep formulating plans and all that but in the end I'm still me old-JUST-GO-AHEAD-AND-DO-IT-self.

Can't really complain really. You, know, Humans plan but God makes them happen.

Okay, reaaaaaaaaaaaaally gotta go now. Morning didn't go so well, (freakin spent it with ZZZzzz...) but I still have the whole day ahead of me! =D


Sunday, September 6, 2009

bebola nasi onigiri


A plain rice flavoured with salt.

Fillings: umeboshi, (or) tarako (or) kombu.

Shape: Ball-shaped, rectangular or triangular planar. I mean, triangular. (Bent-shaped takdak.)


An onigiri comes to life. Followed by another. And another. And another. And another..... Like Night in the Musuem only that this occurs in a kitchen.

The first onigiri, called Onigiri takes a look at his friend also named Onigiri and starts admiring his friend:

"Woah. Niiiceee~ He has a star-shaped filling at the back of his rice-body. But, but,how come I don't have one too?"

And the Onigiri starts crying.

Onigiri with a star-shaped filling now takes a look at the crying Onigiri. Surprise, surprise, the crying Onigiri has a circular filling at the back of his rice-body.

Star-onigiri feels depressed. " Now, how come, I don't have a filling on me too???"

The star-onigiri commited suicide by jumping off the table.

Two onigiris see this and rushed to the edge of the table.

"What- the happened???!"

"I dunno!"

One of the two onigiris cannot help but notice that his friend the-worried-Onigiri has a heart-shaped filling at the back of his rice-body.

He too, is overwrought with jealousy, and he pushed the heart-onigiri off the table.

Fortunately, heart-onigiri sticks on the edge of the table. But he knows he doesn't have much time before he falls.

He says to his friend onigiri who pushed him,

"Before I splat on the floor and die a horrible death any rice ball could imagine, I have to tell you something I have always wanted to say to you.......

That you have the coolest filling at the back of your body which I've always wish I had."

And the onigiri falls off the table,joining the (now unrecognisable) onigiri that commited suicide on the linoleum floor of the kitchen.


So? All I'm saying is, onigiris don't have necks to see their own fillings at the back of their bodies.


Friday, September 4, 2009

thank you for asking!

Lately I've been getting a lot of "Are you okay?" from a lot of people. I don't know what makes them ask me that.. I've never felt better! I mean, MOCK is coming but is it weird if I say that I'm kind of looking forward to it? Not that I'm supremely confident that I can do well, but I sure as hell hope that I do! Guess I just can't wait to show what I'm capable of. To prove something, not to anyone, but just to myself. I'd been disappointing myself considerably a lot since the beginning of the year. Now I want to do better. It has nothing to do with approval, it has nothing to do with competition or rivalry.

I just want to rise up to the challenge. I want to win against myself. I want to gain something for myself.

This sounds kind of selfish, but if I don't do it for myself, who's gonna do it for me? No one's living my life, but my own self, hence is it wrong if I want to do something because I want it and not because what other people want out of me? Of course, on the way of fulfilling this dream and hope of mine, I hope I will do my parents proud. My friends. My teachers. My country.
I'm doing this because of my faith. My inner conscience.

So right now, I feel pressured but it's a good kind of pressure you know? Like, this high pressure increases the forward reaction and hence increase the yield of the product. (Rate of equilibrium~ hahahaaaa!). A small amount of stress is necessary to get me going I think. I work best under pressure. (I hope so!) =p
Anyways, maybe I'm not being my usual gila2 self lately. I think that part of me have to take a break kejap. Berehat sebentar bersame kit-kat. (After breaking fast.DUH). Gotta focus bebeh, focus!! I have to get back on track and join this rat-race towards success!!

~God Almighty, there is no convenience unless you make it convenient for us and only You are the most capable of making a certain challenge easy anytime You wish for it.

Ganbate ne! =D