Future me?? ngeee!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Future me?? ngeee!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
who I knew would rain me with love and affection
from the very first time he sets his eyes on me.
This man, who scolds me first and makes me cry,
but later comes with chocolates and flowers
to see me smile and wipe the tears away from my eyes.
who takes me out to wonderful places,
but no place is greater than my place on his shoulders.
is my mentor, my guardian and my protector.
who used to come home everyday and call my name first
when I was small and rumple my hair as he greeted me with his broad smile.
This man who gives me everything I needed,
sometimes surprises me with what I wanted,
but nothing beats the attention he gives not only to me,
but to the people he and I love.
This man, who forevermore loves my mother.
This man, who forever loves his son and daughters.
This man, who stays.
This man,who keeps us as one and whole.
This man, whom I love.
Forever and ever.
Thank u, abah~ <3
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Hari yang sgt x ditunggu2. Parents teacher meeting? Not my cup of tea. Kat sekolah dulu boleh laa bwat muke comel je bile cikgu marah. Kat sini? Nak bwat muke comel, nnt kene tnye soklan Rm1000,000: NAk FLY GI AUSSIE X?
mesti laa nak.... =___=
Mule2 ma start berkhutbah jugak. Tapi ma paham. Bab kire-mengire mmg bukan satu bakat yg ade kat sye. Tapi dy bangge yg sye sgt sukekan literature. =) Tapi,lepas kene kaw2 ngan lcturer, sye pun mule laa mcm nak kene heart attack. Mata dah bersinar2, dah x nmpk ape dah..
Ma mmg beshhhh. She took me out shopping in KL.
Mother and daughter dri jb yg mmg x brape kenal jln kat Kl yg sgt pelik tu, boleh sampai ke Suria Klcc ngan selamatnye. And x sesat. Thanx to my not-so-bad sense of direction. eceyh...
Lepas penat shopping for 5 hours, sye ckp,
"Nak2 minum kat Old Town white Coffee?"
Caffeine addict kene ajak minum coffee? Well, it's like a drug addict getting a shot of heroine.
And so, teringat waktu petang2 kat jb.. After kelas tusyen gi minum petang ngan ma and yayang kat rumah atuk.
Gosh, I miss jb. <3
And I mish u ma~ U d awesomeness!
Sunday was fun. =)
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
x, xde kaitan ngan aq. but theme post kali ni is about being stuck in the middle!
aq kat tengah2!!
malcolm in the middle tu just metaphor je.
last week was.....
how should i put it?
black tuesday di mane banjir melande an unknown country,
holy thursday, where I got things sorted out,
friday, yaaay! but, um, huh?
saturday.I adopted a very fluffy dog.
sunday, cipan. cipan. cipan. cipan.cipan. cipan. but what should i do?
see what I mean?
manusia normal biasenye akan kematian neuron otak bile 1001 perasaan bercampur baur.
membela fluffy dog.
-mengpa fluffy dog susah dibela?
sbb.... high maintanence kot.
but i luv dat doggy. tpi susah nak jage.
it's so adorable, sometimes rase mcm 'waa~ comelnye....!!!"
tpi sometimes mcm, " isy! ssh btul nk jage."
God, bagi la aq kesabaran. Because it's not the doggy's fault I sometimes detest it so much.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Anyway... I stumbled into one of her post. It was about me lah.
Yeah,me bebeh. Moi. (Nk prasan jap. ehehe~)
Post tu psl one of the things that she regretted in her life and what if she could change it.
It was about child abuse. By a maid. And that child was me.
I know this sounds serious. Maybe it was. Maybe it still is. But I was so small back then, I didn't regard an of my undeserving beatings as abuse. Just as a case of breaking a small child's heart and a violation of my innocence trust.
Whoah, ayat xnak dramatik lagi kan?
I didn't know it was child abuse. I thought it would be right to 'teach me a lesson' because let me tell you one thing, when I was small I was an imp. Really. Betul2 nakal. So I was afraid to tell anyone about the rough treatment I received and the shoutings and the screamings I received from her because I thought any bad child deserved this. I know I was naughty. I was even convinced that I was bad.
But... Exactly how bad was I when I was a 3-year old child?
I have a very strong lungs, thus when I cried, I cried very loud.
I am very headstrong, I don't like to listen to people unless they tell me very gently and kindly, hence I was always the victim of my maid's screams of my insolence and strong-headedness.
I was picky when it came to food, so it's alright for you to force food down my throat?
I very much hated cold water when I was small so when I refused to bathe, it's not wrong to slam my head on the bathroom wall while you splash cold water to my face until I couldn't breathe?
And then you locked me afterwards in that bathroom, ignoring my yells and screams and cries of help because I was so scared I was gonna be locked up forever.
Was that right?
Was it because I was really that bad?
And where were my parents when this happened you might ask. They were out working. Now, before you jump into the assumption that they're not doing their job as parents right, let me assure you that they are really good parents. In fact, I think they are the greatest people I've ever known. But they too couldn't be with me all the time 24/7. There was no way they could've known if no one told them about it. I didn't tell my parents about it. I was so scared they weren't gonna believe me because my maid was such a bloody pretender.
She acted all nice and submissive when my parents are around, but behind their back only my siblings and I saw the monster she was. She was a soooo darned good actress that when she treated me gently in front of my parents, I could almost forgot the beatings I took from her. I could almost believe that behind this bloody woman who grabbed a lock of my hair almost every other day, there could be a mother-like figure who could love me because I yearned for a bit of love from almost everyone I met when I was a kiddo.
Damn, was I pathetic.
My point of writing this down is not to reignite the fire of sheer loathing I have for this woman who beat me. If anything, I am only repulsed by my own helpnessness at that time. I am also ashamed by the fact that she just had to do it in front of my sister,nadya. I was helpless and scared, yes, but at the same time I was mortified. I didn't want my siblings to know that I was so bad that I needed to be 'corrected.'
I still remember the look of shock and fear in her eyes as she watched my head, slammed into the wall by force.
Ah yes. I remember everything that happened that day. Aq almost wrote a poem about it too. Mr Derick assigned us to write a peom that begins with " I remember..."
Aq nk bwat psl mende ni lah. Tapi mcm uncomfortable pulak nk cite depan the whole class. And then karang Mr Derick byk tanye pulak. Ape aq nak jwb?? hahaaha....
"Oh, it's not about me. It's about, you know.... Child abuse in general. The issue, I mean."
Right. Lies. All lies.
But, bak kate nadya, thank God I've grown to be a jovial, cheerful person, laalallalaaa~~~, etc2 and all dat. Takpe nadya, don't worry about me. I'm strong, remember? Fine, fine. I cry a lot. But tears do not symbolise weakness. In fact I think they bring me strength.
Errr, okay. Hari ni kelas econs kul 1. Aq terlupe. ciss... I go first. Sape2 nk bace post nadya about me: