Thursday, June 25, 2009


What would you do if you found out that some strange yahoo knows pretty a lot of things about you. He has your YM address, and he knows how you look like. He knows your father, and he knows where you are currently residing.

And this person is a total stranger that you have only met once before.

I'm as scared as hell right now.

This is all so effed up you see. I should have known better than to accept some weird and unkown request to be added into my YM list. I thought this could be some person I know from around here. I guess I was pretty stupid. Soooo effing stupid and naive.

If only I knew that I was being stalked this whole time. Oh my God..

I was already very suspicious since the first time we chatted together. I asked him who he is, where did he get my email those sorts of questions you know...
He answered almost everything, but I knew they were answers I could not entirely believe. They sounded like a load of bullshit if you know what I mean.
And that first encounter with me, he was already very rude and creepy towards me.

Creepy and rude as in, he was blatantly sexually harrassing me.


And this is the part where I effed up big time. BIG big time. I was not a person to be provoked. Not one to be mocked. I got so fired when he asked me that disgusting, despicable, degrading question to all women all over the world should this question be asked by a total effing stranger, that I gave him one of my wise-ass answer back.

And this was a MISTAKE I shouldn't have made. You should never, never, show a reaction when a creep or a stranger do something weird to you.

Because this creep actually liked it. He liked my wise-ass retort.


So after that, naturally I got freaked out lah. Whenever he buzzed me at Ym, I just ignored him. Okay, he did sexually harrassed me. I just thought that he was not to be bothered with and pretty soon he would get bored and move on because that's how it always turn out in the end.

So I thought he was just some horny Juan Ker who needed to get off by asking some pretty effed up question to any random strangers in cyberspace he knows. I mean, these things happen!! I have had bad experience in the past, but none of them led to anything serious. Because guys who were rude to me in chat rooms or anything were basically idiots who have never seen and met me before. No,only in virtual worlds. But never, NEVER face to face.

But one night, everything changed. This was the night that he finally told me everything. And Idon't think he was bullshitting me. This yahoo knew what he was talking about.
And he knows me. He knows my dad too because my dad used to go to his computer shop.

How effed up is that?

It turns out, he was the one who repaired my laptop when I got it serviced because my laptop was a being such a biatch, God knows why. So this was how he got my email address. And this whole episode happened many months back. I can't even recall when this was, and isn't that telling you something?

I encountered him pretty long time ago. And he still remembered me. He told me that.

Oh my God. What now?

I know he did not make up all these things he told me about himself because he described himself and I remembered. As warning bells went off inside my head, I remember him. The computer guy. The guy whom on the way back home from his shop my parents had told me about because apparently, my parents are some sort of regular customers there. The guy whom my dad talked about like he had known him for quite some time now.

Gosh, and I was reminded of this:

If he stole my email account when he repaired my laptop for me, God knows what else he had poked into?

My private photos? Personal documents??

It is my GODDAMN personal laptop. It contains everything that is private about me.

My family, my friends, where I study at, videos..................

I wish I was making this shit up. But this is no fiction.

God, and he tried to sweet talk me with words that send disgusting shivers down my spine.
The nerve that he has!!!!!! I wish I could kick him right where it would hurt the most. Straight to the nads. Not only did he sexual harrass me, he violated my privacy - I'm an effing customer, not a harlot you just choose to hook up with!!!!

I'm so pissed off. Why can't we women be respected?? Why are certain people so disgusting and effed up??
Don't tell me. I know the answer.

There are always weird people everywhere. I just can't stand them. I know I sound like a bloody feminist at times, but believe me people: I'm not. I don't hate men. I just hate men who behave like dogs. And yes, I hate women who behave like female dogs too. This world is becoming a messed up place it seems. And while I admitted that I'm not a feminist, I have to say that I'm becoming a jaded cynic. Because these days, nothing can ever be trusted anymore.

Nuff said. Now what should I do about this stalker?

Monday, June 22, 2009

you are telling me...

Man, you told me not to believe men.
And you told me you loved me,
I said that you are kind.
You said you loved me and reminded me again,

To not believe in men.

I think it's time we clear this up:
I don't need you telling me what to believe in.
Why is there a need to turn me into a cynic?
I'm already half way there..

Don't tell me you miss me if you don't mean it.
Don't say you love me if you like someone else.
Don't tell me you need me when you're with another person.
Don't make me feel special only to treat me later like trash.

But most importantly...

Don't put me in your heart because I can't put you in mine.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

warming up.poems.

My eyes are too big,
with lashes spread like fan across my apple cheeks.
My eyes they see, through a rose-coloured glasses.
I am easily deceived.
I am easily deceived.

I am an ingenue, I am naive
My mind untainted,
my opinions unsculpted,
my ideas unmoulded,
my thoughts raw ,
my imaginations aren't restricted by possibilities and liabilities.
I am not wise.
But I beg of you,
To not educate me.

I refuse to conform to the norm,
I refuse to become what everyone else has become.
A monotone of a symphony.

If you are to teach me,
then teach me to be who I am.
Not who or what you want me to become.
If I am in a cocoon,
then release me so that I might transform into a butterfly,
If I am in the darkness,
then shine on me some light so that I become visible to myself,
and to everyone around.
And if I am confined in a room,
don't give me the lock, don't tell me a secret passageway where I can find.
Wait and watch for me to unprison myself.

I am a diamond,
burn me with hot flames,
cut me with hard,cold ice
and gloss me until I shine.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Jump. Just jump.

Wow. I've just unlocked the secret to not feeling that stressed out when getting back exam results. Guess I'll share it here because miraculously, I do not feel so bad getting my results back. Well, they're not good. Seriously. I'm not joking. And, no, it's not because I went on some meditation or anything.

It's simple.....

Don't expect too much from things.
Especially if inside your heart, you know you could've done better. When the time is up and I look up to see my lecturer who is collecting my paper make their boogy eyes at me and say, a tight-lipped "Time's up!".
When I leave my table and step outside of the hell hall and deep inside, I know....

This is no good.

And when I get back my paper. Guess what? It isn't good. But it's not exactly the surprise of the century. Don't get me wrong peeps. I've worked hard for this mid-term. But my gut feelings told me this, You know nad..... This is not enough.

Heck,yeah I know that.

Based from my past experience, if I think I've done enough, it usually is. That was why I felt satisfied. I felt.. adequate. I deserved what I worked so hard for. Or less if it is. I won't complain anymore. If it's bad, it's not bad karma. I'm just not doing enough.

I want more.

This is one beeyotch attitude I've got. I don't mind losing to anyone else.
It just kills me if I lose to mysef is all.

I won't lose to myself. I won't let me get me.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

so long, good night.

I am now sitting on my bed with a big headphone over my head. Some bad hip hop song is blaring its way through the canals of my ear, journeying towards my ear drums. I was in desperate hope of trying to block out the sound of the ticking clock in my room.
feeling sucks okay, sucks. That, being the state of knowing that in less than 24 hours, I would be on my way to Kl, carrying my turtle in its new plastic home back to where I should be at, but not entirely sure it's where I even wanna be.

Hellooo BU. We meet again,furry,expensive,human-chasing dogs of BU.

Come Monday,I'll be back for my classes. Uh-oh. I don't think I can take a rain-check for THAT. Can I???? No, don't answer that. It was rhetorical.
Mak just came to check up on me just now, and the first question that popped upon seeing my face is,

drum roll,please.....


Macam kene tembak. It was like taking a bullet.
No, I haven't 'kemas' my stuff I told her. My stuff are all over the place. This morning I just found my comb under the cushion of the living room's chair. What is it even doing there???
I sooo like to do things in the last minute. And hence, all the drama. This late minute thing is like a force of nature. I don't think I can fight it. Gahahaha...
I don't think I even want to fight it. Maybe,just maybe okay, if i delayed the inevitable, then it wouldn't be so painful. Kot. Oh, the inevitable would still come! But I am able to delay it, so DELAY it I SHALL.... Muahahaha~~~


Still. I'm gonna get a scolding from abah for not packing my things up tonight.
*tergolek dgn malas atas karpet*

This is so effing depressing. No more sushi for dinner (I've been having sushi f0r dinner 2 nights in a row already!!), no more going out shopping and have someone else pay it for me, no more lepaking at Vivo's for 3 hours with my gals just chatting and catching up on stuff, no more seeing the gloomy sky of Jb, no more slothing and growing mushrooms in front of the idiot box while ogling and drooling seeing Ed Westwick come up on the screen, none of the 'reading-2-novels-in-one-day' thing, and no more of downloading videos in Youtube under 1 minute.

Bosan ni.

Now can someone please tell me, how am I suppose to go back to college and stamp that education back into my brain when my brain, has. officially. turned. to. mush.

Yes. Mush. Seminggu tak study and I can become very very moronic. Very Dumb and Dumber.

Ah well.

Maybe seeing my results will jolt me out of my Simple Life dream.

I'm coming Ausmat!!!!

Friday, June 12, 2009

OTK...!! (OMG)

Nak menggile sekejap. Ooohh yeah~

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

there are five things that i like about holiday.

1. I get to relax and enjoy.

trip to Taman Negara

abah posing. It's the third time we went Taman Negara.
First, when i was 10, second, when i was 13 or 14... x ingt.

yeah, we used SELIPAR GETAH yg dibeli kat kedai runcit
at Jerantut for jungle tracking....twice.
Check out the pink and purple flip-flops!!

a half and hour boat ride. The wind messed our tudungs,
but who cares!!! NAture surrounds us!!

We tried to get on the famous 'Canopy Walkway', but there were thousands of people queuing for a go,and we had to wait for 3 long hours if we want to get up there.
Since we had been on it the first time we went there,
we decided to give it up for the tourists who haven;t experienced it yet.
The Canopy is almost the same like the bridge we got on
in Summer Camp. Remember that bridge?
Yeah, except that the Canopy was waaay higher, and totally very much longer.

2. I get to spend time with my family and friends.

YEah right, Ikram. BWat lah muke DIVA kau tu... Yayang dan anak terbarunye, Mr. Bing.

3.Movie marathons!!!!!

Gossip girl, Terminator Salvation and Hindustan encore... Rindu kat scenes bergolek2 guling atas rumput~~ *ahahah~*

4. Reading 2 novels a day and youtube-ing hot favourite singers everyday..
Ternyata line internet kat rumah lebih cepat~ huuh~!

Mraz,Bellamy, and Gallagher. yaay!

5. Because.... IT's HOLIDAY laa!!!!! No messing your head, saket kepale fikir about exams and all that stuff!!! Take a break. Next week we die, but as of now.... LEts's PArtaaayyyyyy~!!! haha!

Enjoy ur sem break Ausmatians!!! =)