unpost.

I have written many posts lately that I chose not to publish.
I don't know why I didn't. Nothing seems adequate.
There's always something that make me hit the button 'save' instead of 'publish'.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm not really a perfectionist, but lately I've been very critical of myself. Of something. Always finding fault with no one but myself and the situation.
Always trying to fix them, always thinking of doing something to make it better, better better.
With me I think, I can never find the best.
Nothing is ever the best.
Always thinking that there is something better than this.
Always wanting more, doing more, thinking more, and if i'm able, always doing more.



But it isn't greed this feeling of wanting more.
If I can describe it, it would probably feel more like redemption.
I have to be more cautious. Or I will be like that man whose wooden axe fell into the river.
You know, one of those children's tale teeming with values and morals and shit.
Huhu..



Been getting a lot of weird dreams lately. Good. It means i'm losing my touch with reality because my dream is totally made-up, totally unrelated with what is real at the moment.
Honestly, I am getting exhausted with reality. Dream world is sweet. At least, mine is.
Everything is so simple. No one trying to complicate my life. I transformed into this compliant person in my dream. I accept the events in my dream world because it is so simple. So pure. so untwisted. So un-effed up. It is not dreams i fear. It is reality. Oh but if all reality were to be sweet and light and fun. I wouldn't be running away so much. How I fear boredom. My life's mission is to chase happiness and fun. I will run like being chased by a leper if fun escape me.



Guess I haven't grow up much have I?
I'm still a child at heart who only seek mischief and the playground.
Rain or shine, I just want to play now. :)
Hate me of you must.
But why dun cha eff off already.