Esc

Short for escape.



I realise that I am currently posting more and more random-er posts in this stupid blog of mine.
Huh.
What else is there to do....
The situation has changed:



Now my ENTIRE family has Facebook.
Geddit?
Ergo,
my private-okay,not so private-bubble in the form of social networking site has been breached by both dearest mom and dad.





I did tell them that they should learn more about 'techy' stuff, but this is just pushing it.
Now they're hooked, and it's all my fault for handing out those little packets cocaine to them...
I should've warn them to NOT go down this path......
This addiction to Facebook is a one-way ticket honey.






Now, I've got nowhere else to go, except Twitter and of course, this blog.
There are certain things that your parents should not know about you.
There's a side of you that every parents shouldn't see.
There are things your parents shouldn't even hear coming from you.
But we're all just human beings. Human beings have flaws.
And teenagers/young adults are the most flawed of them all!





How do you explain to your parents certain things you commented on the status of friends?
What do you say to them when they make assumptions out of every posts you post on the homepage of said social networking site?
How do you stop your frantic heartbeats whenever they look at the numerous nonsensical, risque photos of you in your photoalbums??
How to block/evade/avoid/run/ESCAPE from explaining and providing answers from the various things they asked regarding said things above?????






I understand their curiosity.
They after all, have the right to know your whatabouts and whereabouts no?
And we children are indeed their biggest interest and concern in life.
Eh bien.





I suppose if they have to know things about me..
They better get the facts right from the right sources.
And Facebook is just bulls eye.






I just hope you don't judge me too much from it.
What is seen from a person's perspective is always only one side of the story.
Just have a little faith in me. And trust me more.
Because a little faith and hope can get you far.
Perhaps I'm the second-brat (next to my brother) in the family, but I'm not all bad.
I'm not the best child there is, but I hope I can be. And will be.
And I cannot change who I am. This is me!





Every step in my life may not be all for you,
but you do take about a major share in it.

ok.

what more can I say?

Alhamdulillah is the only word I can think of now.

runaway.

You know,
you can't wait and be patient like everyone else.
I had to be patient.
I had to remain calm.
It's about me.
Why do you have to make it all soo damn hard?


If my words can't get through to you,
maybe my actions will.


For now just let me run away.

cupcakes.

Went to mph last night with yayang, abah and mak.
Ikram went back to s.alam yesterday morning.
It's sad when I opened my eyes at 11 am in the morning, and there he was, standing beside my bed and shaking my shoulders to wake me up.
With blurry eyes I slurred my words, "Wha..?"
He extended his hand to me and said he was leaving to s.alam.
As we salam, I thought to myself, Saturday already?




That night, at 3am I slept without the blaring of the stereo coming from the next room.




But it was not all so bad.
Yayang and I was sitting on the carpeted floor of the 'cookery' section,
flipping through pages and pages of cupcakes photos.
Holidays are fast coming to an end. Yet there we were, only beginning to start baking! :)





I hope it will not be so disasterous. I, after all, have baked cupcakes before.
But with a father who doubles as a food critic at home... You know.
Will update on the end product of Yayang's cupcakes and mine. Tata! :D

easy. so cheesy.

Don't say things like that.
You have no idea how I feel.
I don't just sit around, waiting for my rocket to come.
Have I ever make it seem or sound so easy?
You know, when you look up into the dark sky at night
you only see one side of the moon.


The one with a bunny sillouette on it.

a realisation.

I know many people has told me this before..
I agree with what they said.
Is it wrong if I think there's nothing wrong with that?


A thud.
and then I realised...
If the Major cannot come to India,
then India will come to Major.
So I don't care what you say!
But don't say I didn't try. ;)

dillema

I wonder if this is a question everyone has ever asked themselves...
Does a cellphone work to make you feel happier and glad,
or does it make you sadder and lonely?




I sure as hell dunno how to answer this one.

sing!

Hey, you make me listen to love songs.
You make me smile,
you make me sing.
Are you smiling now too?
because I smile when I think of you.
I'm scared of what's gonna come next
but you kinda make me wanna see what's coming too.



You're in every song I sing.
Kyaa~ =)

everyone, again.

Meeting up with people you left behind for some time brings back fond memories
Sitting for hours talking and laughing
All problems seem so far away, like they don't exist
For the time being, looking into the laughing eyes you once knew so well
is worth everything in the world.
Opening stories of the past,
friendship and love and families
this moment we share
it's something older than time itself.




Peeking and taking glimpses at the mirrors of yesterday,
we were not one of the cool crowd
we were not one of the popular crowd
we were not one of the bookish crowd
we were not teacher's pet
we were not problematic,idiotic, drama-chasing half-wits
we were none of those things they want us to be.
we were everywhere and nowhere
we were everyone and no one.




But we had each other.
and we were happy.
and I was glad I found you.
I couldn't be anyone without you.
I couldn't take any other side besides yours.
I don't want to be any other person besides myself.
Because of you!
You, yes you!






Okay, I love you guys. :)

shove it

Aha, listen up.
I know people always say there are two kinds of people in this world.
The bad, the good.
The strong, the weak and such right?
And then there's the one being judged and the one doing the judging.





I think that's bull.
Because every one judge.
They just freakin do it.
I do it, you do it, heck, it's one messed up place.
Damn, stop thinking like you're the know-it-all, been-there-done-that kind of shit.





So, shove it!

overkonfiden laa kan.

Disebabkan hidup terlalu bowsan tanpe drama hari-harian menjalankan Ausmat, atau pergi ke summer kem etc etc. post kali ni is about me.
Driving a car.
To a pc fair.



I know, my life is that boring.
Bajet la, bwak kete pun nak cite kat sume org.
But, believe me, kalaw korang naek satu kete yg dibawak oleh aq, u guys would blog about it too. Siyes, x tipu. haha.. :D
So after a few weeks x pegang stereng, I cannot tolerate it anymore.
I told my dad when we went out for dinner yesterday night that I want to drive.
No arguments.



So the next day, dah bwat plan segale ntuk gi ke pc fair with my bestie, E.
Ayah aq memang lawak. HA.HA.HA.
Dy pegang kunci Honda.
Ait?
Tipu ni....................................
I thought, xkan laa dy nak bagi aq bwak kete baru?
My dad was looking at me and he said, " Ha, cepatlah hidup kete."
He was pointing to Honda.







Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. *jantung berdegup2*






And he laughed!!!!!
Jahat!






Of course he was pulling my leg! RRrrrrrrr.
Xpe2. I'm driving. You're gonna get it from me later. Tgk je la.
Maka aq mmbawe kerete Kelisa which totally the new Ferarri according to Pimp My Ride. (tipu!)
And then bla bla bla bla....
Yadayadayadayadaaaa~
Sampai kat pc fair...
SESAK NAK MATI.
*gasp*
Sampai kat part yg mencemaskan.
Mase tu salah masuk jalan. The road led to the exit. We were looking for a parking space.
Abah suruh reverse.
And I was like, "Reverse sampai the parking lot?????!!!!"
The F?????????????
X berhati perut weyyyyyyyyyyy. Aq dah almost setahun x drive. Kejam ni....




Needless to say, that I did it badly.
Stereng x tegak, kete ke kiri dan ke kanan. *sweat*
(-___ -lll)






My dad was like, "Ya tuhan, nak saket jantung aq..."
And dy sempat bagi lecture psl fziks.
Okay, let me tell u abah, I appreciate that u pndai explain about cars by relating it to physics, but lecturing me about that while a hundered thousand onlookers sniggering at me is SOOOO not a good idea!!!!!!!
I was mortified! :'(
Sob. sob.




But my dad is cool jugak lah. compared to my mom.
haha......
And thanx for being there E. :D
U made light of the situation when I was swearing like hell depan my father.
I was like, " THE EFFF!!!!!!" when a car stopped suddenly.
"Move it, BUSTER!!!!" when a pedestrian lenggang kangkung depan kete aq.
My dad kat seblah diam je........







Tengah selawat kot.










But the ride home was ok. :D
I was making a pro face and wiggling my eyebrow to my dad.
It says: "See? Not so bad aite?"
My dad was like,
"Practice lagi."
hahaha.......





Next time mcm mane?
We'll see!
:D




p/s: did I drive like Beth Cooper? Me thinks not that bad... :p

back to school!!

Tibe2 rindu nak ke zaman skolah.... :)
Skolah besssssssssssssssssttttt!!!!!!!!!!!! BESTTT!! BESTTT!!!
*okay, we get it Nad!*
hahaha! :D



Mase kat skolah la mcm2 drama ade. Kwn2 gile2! Mase tu pulak mmg tgh gile nak eksperimen mcm2, jadi experience sume mmg feels new! Feels different. Addictive.
Er, tapi bukan dadah. (Don't do drugs, kids.)
Knape tibe2 aq rse nostalgik?
Maybe the fact yg aq tawu aq akan masuk Uni nnt.
Dah dekat dah ni. Rase cuak. Mmg future tu unsure, entah aq boleh fly gi Aussie, ntah x.
Rase takot. Bile flashback balek soklan2 TEE, rasemacamnakjeriiiiiiiitttohmyeffingtoottoooot!!!!





Fuh.






Xnak pk psl tu lgi. Doa je laa byk2. Aq kene positive!! Enough with the negativity,electron!!!!
Ape2 pun, the next BIG step ntuk ke university mmg x dpt dielakkan. I cannot run from it.
Dan honestly, wpun aq cuak sbb maseh unsure lagi dgn the next step, tapi at the same time aq rse sgt excited! Woah!
I mean, mestilah kan?
Mmbe2 aq sume dah masuk U. Sorang kat utm, sorang kat tpm, sorang kat utp, sorang kat uitm, sorang dah pun pegi aussie, sorang lagi dah pun pegi canada. Yang laen2 ade lagi kat kolej sunway etc, tapi dyrang pun skang tgh menunggu ntuk ke U jugak.
I have to admit, bile dyrang cite psl life kat Uni, aq rse jeles!
I envy u guys!!! :'(




Sure enough, mase kat kbu hari tu pun best jugak. :D
Kolej dah tntu la laen ngan mase kat skolah. Tapi, situation and environment kat U nnt sgt laen kott.....
Yang same maybe dari segi assignment. Omygod, aq mmg sgt x rindu dgn assignment2 tersebut yang tlah mmbwatkan aq tido 2 jam, kepale serabot, cutting back holidays in Jb, cutting back time to spend wif my family wpun dyrang ade kat Kl...
Tapi,tapi,tapi,
no sacrifice no reward, right?
No pain,no gain! :)
And skang I really really, REALLY REAALLY pray and hope that my efforts and sacrifice will be paid off.
In full. Xde hutang2 okay.
Kalau nak hutang, make sure aq hidup bhagie aman damai sejahtera smpai aq mati capish?




X sabar mnunggu the day to come. The day where the uni life will start.
Aq mmg kurang menyabar cket.
Mcm mane nnt maybe?
Ade ke org yg aq kenal satu tmpt ngan aq?
Ade jugak ke org yg lebih gile2 dari aq?
ade x lecturer cute n baek n dedicated mcm mase kat kbu dulu?
ade ke shopping spot yg best mcm Ou and the curve mcm dulu?
ah.. the drama.
I miss it.
So much!
The fun, the tears, the laughter, the cute guy, the hot stuff,the labels, the jealousy, the fight, the effort, the kicking ass, the getting my ass kicked...




I miss school.
I miss college.
And I am thrilled to see what's coming next. :)
Insyaallah.






Wave y'all!

it could be so simple!

Saye dah balek dari BTN!!!! :D
BTN was fun! haha... maybe it's just me! i've always liked summer camps or anything synonymous to it. I prayed to get plkn for god's sake (which i did get), and honestly, who would ever do that unless they're insane kan?



Anyways. :)
Jumpe balek my dearest frenz yg kenal kat kbu sume, altho baru je 2 weeks x jumpe. Bukan la x contact lansung what with fb and ym yada yada, but getting to meet up front is different sangat SANGAT dengan the assistance of technology tau. All these techy thingy is just soo damn lame klaw nak compare dgn jumpe with your old friends face to face.
You get to see the sparkle in their eyes when they scream and shout your name in glee. You get to laugh with them and see their tonsils sticking out. You get to get physical with them, boleh peluk cium hugs kisses dan segale benda yang X-rated juge. :P




Saye telah blajar banyak bende berfaedah kat kem ni. *ayat poyo, cam nak bagi speech*.
Ceramah and talk blablablaah tu memang undeniably bosan sikit, sometimes dah penat2 lari jalan, bgn kul 5 pagi in the morning, mate memang mcm xnak kene gam pulak dalam hall kan?
But mase part2 yang x mengantuk and the part where I did pay attention tu, mmg worth it. Because I get to hear things I tend to ignore before this. Bukan tak tahu, tapi memang sengaje xnak amek tawu.





I chose to be oblivious.




Tapi aside from that, memang best. :)
Pegi abseilling, run 2km after 2 weeks of not doing anything substansial dan produktif kat rumah, saket kaki kot... Adeih... Nak berjalan ni pun dah mcm org x balance.
Ice breaking, and we get to role play and everything..
Tapi yg paling best skali, is when all of us kene buat flag.
That was the best ever.
The feeling that I felt that night was just........
Beyond words.
I was totally overwhelmed.



Well, til then! :)
Until we meet again friends.

can't be a poet

I would never be a good poet.

because I'm always finding troubles to find the words to say;

how would my life be if the words would just flow sweetly?

would my life change somehow

would everything still be the same

will i still be me?

would i hang out with different sort of groups of people?

You always get what you want.

and I hate you for that

because a selfish bit*** like you

hurt, but you don't care.

you just want to get get get.

get what you want.

nothing else matters.

I just can't be a good poet,

because I've told you numerous times

but you just couldn't get

you only hear what you want to hear

and miss out the whole point of me telling you,

and miss out the whole message i'm sending you.

Everything is moving too fast

but you will not give me time

to discover if something is real

or if it's an illusion

a make-believe

and it was you who pushed me down the cliff

I'm falling now

can't take it back

while you

still pushing at an empty air

look down!

i'm moving fast

falling into what feels like eternity

following the gravity

and it is inevitable

I can't stop now

calling out my name

is useless.

I would never be a good poet.

If she reads this

She will think it's about her

Hence, my words can never be spoken

My words can never be written

The message can't be clear enough

At the risk of making this sound like it's about you

If it's about you at all

It's not about you

It's not about anyone

I think it's about me.

I would never be a good poet.

Because..

Because words make me vulnerable.

heart- break.

I keep on coming across stories about heartbreaks lately. Even my lecturer's wall post in Facebook lately is about one. But I think he'll be fine. I hope you do get better Mr. D. You should.



Not that it's any of my business..



But things are the opposite when I went out with Elya and Aisu yesterday and the day before.
I'm so happy that they seem happier now. It's good when I look at them and I can see that they are happy with they are with now. What's not to be happy about? The guys they are with now are not a braggart and a show-off and they sound like some really nice people there. huhu..
I think you know who I'm talking about, my friend.. I'm praying really hard to God so that a certain ex of yours do not talk bullshit with me on you-know-where okay. I can't take any more miaows from another human being. :PP
Fine, i'll try to be nicer to him.





My point of writing this post is that while it's true that heartbreaks are such a pain in the butt, those who have experienced them are kinda lucky. Like, in a way. These people are those who have experienced a great feeling, a feeling strong enough to experience a heartbreak when it goes wrong. Not many people get to experience that, believe me.




So can I brag now and say that I have gone through it before too? :p
It was a mild one, and I got over them fast enough.
But still... It felt like a boulder fell on me. For a good,solid 3 days.
There was this jerk when I was young and foolish.. And he was a jerk.
And then there was another... Who turned out to like my bestfriend instead of me.
LAUGH NOW, please.
Because I've had a crush on him for about.. 5 years maybe? On and off, but five years nevertheless, and suffice to say I'm no more than just a friend to him.
Which I'm totally cool with if he didn't used me first to get closer to my bestfriend.
Never mind. Old stories, and now I laugh in the face of them. :)
Especially because this guy never got my bestfriend.




*insert evil laugh*





What? It's not my fault. Shit happened to me and so it did to him. *insert evil laugh again*




And now what?
I don't know. My bestfriend jokingly told me they were going to have to get me a boyfriend.
Mmm.. I don't know about that. What's the point if it's so much more fun to act all lez-gay with them? *bat eyelash* Hahaha..
No,no, that was a joke.
:P
On a serious note, I don't think there's a need for rush in such matters.
I'm entitled to an opinion, so hear me out haters:
I think such a thing cannot be forced. You cannot rush it.
You cannot open the door before it gets unlocked.
If it gets a knock or two, you have a choice.
To open. Or to not.
By not opening, you'll miss out somethings to be sure.
If you do, what you get sometimes might just surprise you.



So I think, as long as I don't die old and lonely and sad with 24 cats in a musty,squalid apartment,
I'm gonna enjoy my contentment of solitary life for now.
Or maybe not so solitary. I still have my friends and family.




This is what I think and feel. So don't go out hating me for it. Huhu..




I need to bathe. Busuk already. Taaa~

unpost.

I have written many posts lately that I chose not to publish.
I don't know why I didn't. Nothing seems adequate.
There's always something that make me hit the button 'save' instead of 'publish'.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm not really a perfectionist, but lately I've been very critical of myself. Of something. Always finding fault with no one but myself and the situation.
Always trying to fix them, always thinking of doing something to make it better, better better.
With me I think, I can never find the best.
Nothing is ever the best.
Always thinking that there is something better than this.
Always wanting more, doing more, thinking more, and if i'm able, always doing more.



But it isn't greed this feeling of wanting more.
If I can describe it, it would probably feel more like redemption.
I have to be more cautious. Or I will be like that man whose wooden axe fell into the river.
You know, one of those children's tale teeming with values and morals and shit.
Huhu..



Been getting a lot of weird dreams lately. Good. It means i'm losing my touch with reality because my dream is totally made-up, totally unrelated with what is real at the moment.
Honestly, I am getting exhausted with reality. Dream world is sweet. At least, mine is.
Everything is so simple. No one trying to complicate my life. I transformed into this compliant person in my dream. I accept the events in my dream world because it is so simple. So pure. so untwisted. So un-effed up. It is not dreams i fear. It is reality. Oh but if all reality were to be sweet and light and fun. I wouldn't be running away so much. How I fear boredom. My life's mission is to chase happiness and fun. I will run like being chased by a leper if fun escape me.



Guess I haven't grow up much have I?
I'm still a child at heart who only seek mischief and the playground.
Rain or shine, I just want to play now. :)
Hate me of you must.
But why dun cha eff off already.

you make me feel sad.

But you make me laugh too.




That's why we are best friends. :)



p/s: Bile nak jumpe kau lagi ni? *sigh* You're so close to me, but you're not here.
Movie jom,kouhai. ;)