crawl.. crawl~ crawl~

Crawl Nadhirah!! Crawl!!

This is my pathetic attempt of copying Forest Gump's movie most famous quote.

The "Run, Forest!! Run!!" part.

I can't run. I'm crawling. Very slowly. I've tried running and I fell. Very. Hard.

Like, GEDEBISH!

Ouch. Saket kot.

Now I'm standing again. Wobbly, on my two unstable feet.

But I'm starting my journey again. I'm not gonna give up!!!

But I am CRAWLING.

Crawling to reach my dreams. So slowly.

Every brilliant runner have gotten so far, leaving dusts and smokes in front of me.

But that's okay! I can still see my path! Because I wear a pair of PROTECTIVE GOGGLES over my eyes!!!

And when tears blurred my vision, no worries, because my heart isn't blind.

Sometimes my mood gets so black, I shut myself in a dark room away from everyone else in desperate need to be alone,

But it never gets dark. My faith still burns a fierce fire.

I will pray, and pray and pray and pray and pray and pray and pray...

Throw laa every stones and bricks at me! (Test papers!!!)

I have my armour on! (jeng jeng jeng!!)

C'mon put chinks and dents on this metal suit, I promise one day I'll chase u with a big ass broomstick and hit u on the head with all my might until a huge number of 85 come bursting out of your skull!

I'm onto this challenge. I'm crawling, but I'll get there I. (God's willing)

I'll be crawling like SADAKO from THE RING.

Slow, bruised and battered, wet from sweat and dirty form grit and dirt, unkempt hair and very bad eyebags.

BUT IN THE END, I'LL GET YOU LIKE SADAKO FROM THE RING.

Future me?? ngeee!

word!

Well, u see.

I can't tell you what to say.

It's okay if you the word 'TACTFUL' is foreign to you.

I can stand your stupid babblings.

I can take your faux pas.

But I think I'm getting tired of you behaving like this.

So childish. So immature.

Instead of insinuating it, why don't you just say it STRAIGHT to my face.

Instead of playing with words in front of everyone else (which leaves me cold and awkward),

SAY IT TO MY FACE LAAA...........

At this point, there's no need to hurt everyone else.

Maybe you feel hurt, that's why you're vindictive?

Aq btul2 x twu knape kau behave mcm ni weyh. *garu kepale*

So i'm pleading you,

Depan aq kau xnak tanye direct,

tapi depan sume orang mule laa kau nak cakap x bertapis.

X reti nak kalis2.

Cakap kasi kalis jugak la weyh. apesal kau ckp mcm org xde otak?

apesal kau klaw nk ckp msti nak kuat2? I'm not deaf.

Shouting at other people does not make you right, or make you greater than the other person.

It just lowers down your own credibility lagi ade laa...

-an advice from one friend to another.-

special surprise.

It was almost 12a.m and I woke up with a start as my stomach was doing a sommersault. No, not because I was nervous. Well, part of it was because I was having math test the next day. But mostly it was because of the fungus that grew on the bread I accidently ate that afternoon.

My phone rang. The first call. Mak.

15minutes before midnight. The second one. Through ym. I miss this one so much.

The third call. This one made me very,very happy. =)

The fourth one... Well, there was none.

But there were special messages. From girlfriends to best friends to the people whom I thought have forgotten all about me.

And then there were my fun and sweet classmates.

Dan para2 penghuni rumah 69. Tenkiu for the 'special' carwash service. My 'car' got very wangi and shiny afterwards. Tenkiu nadon, I shall not forget this..... ngeh3.

Mak who gave me a video bday wish, tenkiu ma! Syg ma, minggu depan nak balek bcuz u guys kene blnje sye makan seafood kat Stulang Laut.. Sye rindukan Jb. =pp

Abah, NAdya, in a Faraway Land of Bandung, Yayang who's gonna get me a comel Swatch (u promised! =pp), Ikram, the babun who forgot to wish me again. Xpe, weekends ni sile blnje saye di Carl's Junior dan sile blanje sye shopping si Sunway. Thank you, plz come again! hahaahaaa.. =p

Raspberry cheese, I love your surprises. =)

My girlfriends, Najian,Shieda, Aisu (si cipan lupe bday aq lagi skali.),Nazee and Elya moi dahlingsss, Simren, Qilla, Sasi. And those whom I forgot to mention. Syg korang sgt2!

Ya sayang (my comel roomate),Nadon,Nana,Yeanna,Anneh,Mia, Tati, K.cv, Siew Wuen, Shun Ling, Hooi Ying, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! <3

I love u people!

Thanx to Hani, Ajin, Sherry, Atiron,Fatin,Fairus,Ain,Ainin,Atikah and ALL my classmates (Nic, MB Woei Song *hahaaha!*, Jinn Jyh,Calvin, Pijah,Aain,Sue,Jihah adek kecik, Aizat,Izzat dan keluarga di Melbourne Aussie dan sume2 yg laen,),

Mud, fadli-ya, Imran si prasan Torres...

And not to forget my bff, Zhaf Germs and Indera. =)

sape lagi.. Oh, everyone laa yg made my day by just wishing a simple happy bday! I appreciate it guys! Thanx lots!!! U guys paling best!

Thanx to you, this has got to be the best birthday ever!! <3

19 is just a number. But it's the day I turn 19 that's special. =)

give me what I deserve

math test math test math test math test math test.


just give me what I deserve.


Cuz i'm gonna get u.

this man I love

This man,
who I knew would rain me with love and affection
from the very first time he sets his eyes on me.


This man, who scolds me first and makes me cry,
but later comes with chocolates and flowers
to see me smile and wipe the tears away from my eyes.


This man,
who takes me out to wonderful places,
but no place is greater than my place on his shoulders.


This man,
is my mentor, my guardian and my protector.


This man,
who used to come home everyday and call my name first
when I was small and rumple my hair as he greeted me with his broad smile.


This man who gives me everything I needed,
sometimes surprises me with what I wanted,
but nothing beats the attention he gives not only to me,
but to the people he and I love.


This man, who forevermore loves my mother.
This man, who forever loves his son and daughters.


This man, who stays.
This man,who keeps us as one and whole.


This man, whom I love.
Forever and ever.



Thank u, abah~ <3

my mom is super awesome lah~

Title mcm tagline ntuk Mother's Day celebration je.. but, no, ni bukan psl mother's day. Rase2nye sye x perlu mother's day ntuk remember yg MY MOM really is awesome. =)

Khamis ptg,

Ma naik bas sorang2 ntuk menghantar padeku dokumen2 penting ntuk application U.

Tenkiu mak! Sye pelupe.. Mase balek rumah cuti sem hri tu lupe nak bawak sijil2 sume naik PJ.

Sampai2 je depan rumah mlm khamis, ma, ikram ngan in skali ajak gi makan~~

Yummy!

Makan kat TTDI. Mak blanje ABC yg tinggi mcm baby gunung Everest. Dah lame x makan ABC~ ^__^

*muke bahagie~*

Jumaat mlm,

Nak tgk Johnny Depp ngan Christian Bale... Johnny so damn hot. Hani pun gatal nak tgk.. hehe.. Tgh tunggu IDP settle borang. Tunggu lame, so text ma ckp:

"Nak tgk Johnny Depp mlm ni?? ;;)"

*bat eyelash*

Berdebar2 tnggu msj di-reply. Akhirnya ma kate,

"Ok. Nnt beli tiket."

Waahhh~~~

Sabtu pg,

Hari yang sgt x ditunggu2. Parents teacher meeting? Not my cup of tea. Kat sekolah dulu boleh laa bwat muke comel je bile cikgu marah. Kat sini? Nak bwat muke comel, nnt kene tnye soklan Rm1000,000: NAk FLY GI AUSSIE X?

mesti laa nak.... =___=

Mule2 ma start berkhutbah jugak. Tapi ma paham. Bab kire-mengire mmg bukan satu bakat yg ade kat sye. Tapi dy bangge yg sye sgt sukekan literature. =) Tapi,lepas kene kaw2 ngan lcturer, sye pun mule laa mcm nak kene heart attack. Mata dah bersinar2, dah x nmpk ape dah..

Ma mmg beshhhh. She took me out shopping in KL.

Oh, yeah..

Mother and daughter dri jb yg mmg x brape kenal jln kat Kl yg sgt pelik tu, boleh sampai ke Suria Klcc ngan selamatnye. And x sesat. Thanx to my not-so-bad sense of direction. eceyh...

Sabtu,ptg,

Lepas penat shopping for 5 hours, sye ckp,

"Nak2 minum kat Old Town white Coffee?"

Caffeine addict kene ajak minum coffee? Well, it's like a drug addict getting a shot of heroine.

=)

And so, teringat waktu petang2 kat jb.. After kelas tusyen gi minum petang ngan ma and yayang kat rumah atuk.

Gosh, I miss jb. <3

And I mish u ma~ U d awesomeness!

And sunday?

Sunday was fun. =)

cute x?

cute kan?? kan?? kannnn??

yeah,i'm in the middle

korang penah tgk x 'malcolm in the middle'??
x, xde kaitan ngan aq. but theme post kali ni is about being stuck in the middle!
tengah-tengah.
50-50.
1/2.



aq kat tengah2!!
malcolm in the middle tu just metaphor je.



anyways,,,,
last week was.....
how should i put it?
tengah-tengah la.



happy monday,
black tuesday di mane banjir melande an unknown country,
wednesday..... er?
holy thursday, where I got things sorted out,
friday, yaaay! but, um, huh?
saturday.I adopted a very fluffy dog.
sunday, cipan. cipan. cipan. cipan.cipan. cipan. but what should i do?



see what I mean?
manusia normal biasenye akan kematian neuron otak bile 1001 perasaan bercampur baur.




new chapter:
membela fluffy dog.
-mengpa fluffy dog susah dibela?
hmm....
sbb.... high maintanence kot.
but i luv dat doggy. tpi susah nak jage.
how then?
it's so adorable, sometimes rase mcm 'waa~ comelnye....!!!"
tpi sometimes mcm, " isy! ssh btul nk jage."
God, bagi la aq kesabaran. Because it's not the doggy's fault I sometimes detest it so much.



=)
adios~

reminiscing the past.

Tetibe rase sedih plak bce blog kakak aq, nadya. I was in the library and like I've got nothing better to do, I switched on the pc and logged into my blog. (Bkn nk study ke ape kan? hampeh btui..)
Anyway... I stumbled into one of her post. It was about me lah.



Yeah,me bebeh. Moi. (Nk prasan jap. ehehe~)



Post tu psl one of the things that she regretted in her life and what if she could change it.
It was about child abuse. By a maid. And that child was me.
I know this sounds serious. Maybe it was. Maybe it still is. But I was so small back then, I didn't regard an of my undeserving beatings as abuse. Just as a case of breaking a small child's heart and a violation of my innocence trust.
Whoah, ayat xnak dramatik lagi kan?
Anyways...


I didn't know it was child abuse. I thought it would be right to 'teach me a lesson' because let me tell you one thing, when I was small I was an imp. Really. Betul2 nakal. So I was afraid to tell anyone about the rough treatment I received and the shoutings and the screamings I received from her because I thought any bad child deserved this. I know I was naughty. I was even convinced that I was bad.



But... Exactly how bad was I when I was a 3-year old child?
I have a very strong lungs, thus when I cried, I cried very loud.
I am very headstrong, I don't like to listen to people unless they tell me very gently and kindly, hence I was always the victim of my maid's screams of my insolence and strong-headedness.



I was picky when it came to food, so it's alright for you to force food down my throat?
I very much hated cold water when I was small so when I refused to bathe, it's not wrong to slam my head on the bathroom wall while you splash cold water to my face until I couldn't breathe?
And then you locked me afterwards in that bathroom, ignoring my yells and screams and cries of help because I was so scared I was gonna be locked up forever.
Was that right?



Was it because I was really that bad?



And where were my parents when this happened you might ask. They were out working. Now, before you jump into the assumption that they're not doing their job as parents right, let me assure you that they are really good parents. In fact, I think they are the greatest people I've ever known. But they too couldn't be with me all the time 24/7. There was no way they could've known if no one told them about it. I didn't tell my parents about it. I was so scared they weren't gonna believe me because my maid was such a bloody pretender.




She acted all nice and submissive when my parents are around, but behind their back only my siblings and I saw the monster she was. She was a soooo darned good actress that when she treated me gently in front of my parents, I could almost forgot the beatings I took from her. I could almost believe that behind this bloody woman who grabbed a lock of my hair almost every other day, there could be a mother-like figure who could love me because I yearned for a bit of love from almost everyone I met when I was a kiddo.



Damn, was I pathetic.



My point of writing this down is not to reignite the fire of sheer loathing I have for this woman who beat me. If anything, I am only repulsed by my own helpnessness at that time. I am also ashamed by the fact that she just had to do it in front of my sister,nadya. I was helpless and scared, yes, but at the same time I was mortified. I didn't want my siblings to know that I was so bad that I needed to be 'corrected.'



I still remember the look of shock and fear in her eyes as she watched my head, slammed into the wall by force.



Ah yes. I remember everything that happened that day. Aq almost wrote a poem about it too. Mr Derick assigned us to write a peom that begins with " I remember..."
Aq nk bwat psl mende ni lah. Tapi mcm uncomfortable pulak nk cite depan the whole class. And then karang Mr Derick byk tanye pulak. Ape aq nak jwb?? hahaaha....



"Oh, it's not about me. It's about, you know.... Child abuse in general. The issue, I mean."



Right. Lies. All lies.




But, bak kate nadya, thank God I've grown to be a jovial, cheerful person, laalallalaaa~~~, etc2 and all dat. Takpe nadya, don't worry about me. I'm strong, remember? Fine, fine. I cry a lot. But tears do not symbolise weakness. In fact I think they bring me strength.



Errr, okay. Hari ni kelas econs kul 1. Aq terlupe. ciss... I go first. Sape2 nk bace post nadya about me:


http://dundeepurple.blogspot.com/2009/06/nuttobacelahhh.html