first impressions

Last post was about my friend who finally got her the fairytale happy ending. Or rather, the beginning? I certainly hope so. If only I were there right in front of her when she told me about it. I could've danced all night. (Yes, I am quoting song from My Fair Lady). This post would be so much more about me I guess?

I've changed the layout of this blog (somewhat) because I thought it would be nice to change. You know, new chapter in life and all... As always, I struggled to come up with a new title for this blog. I wanted to change the name to something that isn't trying to hard to look artsy and shit, but rather just be and let the title speaks for itself. Letting the title, summarise the whole identity of the owner of this blog. But after 30 minutes and still nada that's inspiring and original I thought, well, heck, I'll just plagiarise something. A quote from a song, or maybe I'll just take a title of a song. Anything at all would be fine. And then there was The Strokes. Their album First Impressions of Earth hovers in front of my eyes on my laptop screen and something like a light bulb lights up inside my head. I thought, yeah. First impressions.

First impressions, because when you meet someone for the first time, it's all about first impressions.

It's important because it kinda dictates who you are to this person, and if you screw your first impression to other people, well then you're screwed. I've read Pride and Prejudice waaaay too many times, and I'll tell you fellas, that shit is true. Jane Austen is a genius. Relationship between human beings should be simple and easy, but Janey nailed it in her books.

What happens after the first impression though, depends.

Perceptions can change. It's not a constant, it's a variable.

Over time you'll realise how wrong you can be, or in certain cases, how right you are.

The story of my life is, people have waaayy too many distorted first impressions on me. Sometimes too negative, sometimes too positive. Why it just be something in the middle?

The first impression, would always be:

A) I'm too happy, too cheerful, too optimistic, too friendly, too talkative, too chirpy

or

B) too snobbish, very bitchy, very selfish, very un-Malay, very bajet

I'm too TIRED too think anymore.

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Human beings, have depth. We have complexities. We have layers and layers and layer and layers of untangible things inside. We can't describe ourselves in one word, or ten words.

Cheerful, gedik, emo, diva, pretty, ugly, bad, good, nice, kind, shy, extroverted, talkative, slim, fat, anorexic, obnoxious, funny, friendly, bitchy, smart, stupid, optimistic, pessimistic

It's BULLSHIT

bullshit

bullshit.............

Why can't we stop putting labels on other people? even I do it.

everybody does it.

I can't stop myself or others to stop doing it. but I guess i'm hoping for someone to be able to acknowledge that I am all of that.

We are not, one word.

We are not, one thing only.

We are not, without depth and complexities.

We are not, simple.

I am not what you think I am. You may be partially right, but you can't be completely right about someone.

You see the moon on the sky every night. But you only see one side of it.

What about the other side?

No one has seen it. It could be beautiful. It could be so ugly.

You don't know.

But at least accept that there is this other surface.

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wow, for so long I have not written something in fear of being judged.

for so long I have not written something in fear of slighting someone.

I am feeling a little morose and screaming screw the world at the moment.

ha. fuckin ha.

now go away and let me cry in silence dammit.