depression and home sickness sucks.

did u know that there are things called homesickness and depression?
homesickness is when u miss ur home really really badly, and depression makes you feel like the world is bleak, and that life actually doesn't matter.

ah.. and both are just such a b****y combination.

I think i'm starting to alarm my roomate and the friends around me with my roller coaster emotions. I turn into a human waterworks easily these days. Maybe all the hardwork and sweat and grit and paranoia are taking its toll on me. I just can't seem to be able to muster any interest in class. And hearing " There will be another test next week" just doesn't have any effects on me anymore. I feel so numb.

I wanna go home. All my siblings are at home, and it just pains me to think that I won't be able to be there with them. Crying on the phone, begging my mom to come and take me away from here is just sooo not me. But i did it anyway. Pride doesn't matter anymore. What's the use of acting tough and pretending i have it all together all the time if inside i feel like i'm dying? I'm so tired of pretending i'm okay, and be all cheery and smiley when in fact i just feel like punching someone in the face and demand them to "Stop all this madness and just take me home already!!!!!"

It's not like i'm giving up. I just need a break. God knows i'm only human, and I need to be away from all these at the moment, and just be with my family...=(

For a few days, i just need to be in an environment where no one's concerned about study,just how to get a song right on his guitar instead. That's what Ikram's for.
I need to talk to my personal shrink. My personal,moving walking,talking diary where i can talk about all my insecurities without holding back. That's why i need Nadiah. And the best part is, she doesn't merely take my pain away like a competent healer, she gives a darned good advice too.
And i need Yayang for her extreme coolness and cuteness. Because no one can irritate me and make me love her more for it anymore than Yayang can.

And i miss my parents..

Markonah is feeling lonely too. She needs a partner. I can see the boredom on her face. (Because she is constantly being surrounded by girls. I pray she doesn't turn lesbo on me!).
Anyone know where i can get a male tortoise at a cheap price??

P/s: The male tortoise needs to fulfill these criteria: Hot body, cute face, and a kind heart. err.. solat 5 waktu, good to his parents, respects woman, and a gentle man.

Eh, ni dah lain dah nii... =p