contradiction

I am Jack's raging bile duct.


I am staring into nothingness. Not nothingness, in front of me is the screen of computer. I can barely open my eyes with eyelids heavy as a lead. I sleep with three lights on and wake up feeling confused. I stare at my dog-eared book on the bedside table. Empty. I feel empty. I hate waking up early. If the sun is all that great then I really don't want to compete with it.
I take the bus every morning. And they stare. They always stare. I tilt my head up higher, and swag like I signed up for the next top model. Sometimes they make funny noises when I sit in front of them. Making sounds like they are in the throes of passion, oblivious to the surrounding when in fact all was deliberate. Boy, he's really screwing himself literally, I didn't even have to tell him to. There were days when they amp up their PDAs when I sit right behind them. I want to shoot them dead. run a truck over them and scream "ignorant bastard" out the screen as I run them over and over and over and over again, Frank Miller style. Some days I walk past them and they mumble indecencies and obscenities. Profanities running over and over in my own head, Quentin Tarantino style. Stares. Insults. Mock.
I am back in bed. Seeking solitude. But I am afraid of being alone. I seek attention. But hates company. I hate baring my soul. That's one great wall of china I hope no one gets through.




I'm bored..... and I need my fix of caffeine bad.