don't wanna see u

Berdepan dgn masalah.. :'(
Macam mane korang bagitau someone yang korang xnak jumpe him/her?
Damn.





This is how the story goes. Aq ade sorang member ni. Honestly, dy x rapat sgt dengan aq. Honestly jugak, aq x brape suke dy. Aq xtawu ape perasaan dy kat aq, tapi aq rase dy x suke aq. Senang kate, last time, when we were together, ade gelombang2 dan aura2 x sedap antare aq ngan dy. Tapi both of us sort of just ignore each other dan tidak menghadapi konfrontasi. Tapi mase kitorang bawak haluan masing2, memang dah bermaaf-maafan. Aq memaafkan prasaan x elok yg we had towards each other dulu. But.. I know myself better than anyone. Sometimes kite nak maafkan seseorang tu, tapi hati kite masih marah lagi.
Mungkin kite bermaaf-maafan mase tu pun sebab it was coming to an end and we might not see each other again.
Ikhlas ke aq dan kau???
It's hard to be around that person because inside my mind I keep on replaying and rewinding the hurt and resentment I felt towards said person.






Bukan la aq benci kat dy. Tapi senang kate, aq memang susah jugak kot nak NGAM ngan dy. Wavelength x same. Circumstances made us friends. But I don't think that we're real friends. Because friends just don't do..... The things we did to each other.
I cannot come to terms to the things she said to me.
I cannot come to terms to the accusations that was not said to me, but was thought of by everyone at that time anyway. I know because it was in their eyes. The misunderstanding was so deep that I could do nothing but cry.





Sume tu dah xpenting skarang. Tapi aq betul2 rase xnak berdepan dgn dy lagi dah...
Dy kate nak jumpe aq bwat kali terakhir sebelum aq pergi ke Australia. Dy tanye seolah2 memintak permission aq sebelum aq pergi. Dy jugak bertanye seolah2 dy betul2 berharap nak jumpe dgn aq seblum aq pergi.
Waaaarghhhhhhh~~~~ Help meeeeeee!
:((
Aq pun insyaallah, dah nak pegi ke negare orang. In the future, blum tentu aq boleh jumpe dgn dy lagi. Tapi aq takut sgt2.
Takut~~~~~
Aq xnak get hurt by what that person may say to me again. It was something I just want to put behind me and never deal with again, and never see again, and never feel again!






Jujur aq cakap, aq masih lagi x boleh lupekan ke-hipokrasi-an kau sebab kau hipokritlah kau pijak aq depan semua orang. For 3 months long. For 3 goddamn months long I was alone and scared and resented and rejected and judged and i dunno!!!, in pain so much that I did everything just to distract myself from those judging eyes of human beings who think they know everything but really, they know nada about.





Notice the bitter resentment in my tone? Reflects my feelings exactly.







Xnak jumpe kau lagi. Tapi aq xnak kau tau yang aq masih x suke kat kau. Argh..
Just say NO nad. Ingat x yang aq ade masalah nak say no to someone?
Say no. Say no. But.... Is it the right choice?
Maafkan jelah orang tu natto..
It's better than being in pain and indebted to someone. It's better to remember the good things and forgive and forget the bad.





Tapi manusia biase mcm aq ni menghadapi masalah mcm ni jugak. :'(
Plz give advice friends? Because I'm torn between doing what's right and avoiding something that just might hurt me again.





Please?