it's not the same

Ramadhan has come and while a part of my heart feels a certain joy of celebrating it, another melancholic side of it feels a dull ache of missing them terribly. My family, that is. I miss spending time with them. Every year, this holy fasting month brings us closer together. Now I need them more than ever, but I can't show them that. I have to be strong as I've always showed them time and again.


But,oh, how I miss those walks at the bazaar just right up the corner from my house. With the evening clouds stained orange I would walk with Yayang or Nadiah just around 6, salivating at the sight of rows and rows of steaming hot food on display. The bazaar near my house is 2 blocks of shop houses long with a variety of food. Our favourite food would be this delicious kueh teaw goreng with kerang, sprinkled with crunchy bean-sprouts. And then, of course, laksa penang and laksa johor. Nasi kerabu. Nasi dagang. Roasted chicken. Ulam jantung with sambal belacan. Ikan pari panggang dengan sambal. *salivating*
Sometimes we would buy different kinds of drink from the bazaar too. Most delicious so far would be air kelapa,cincau and air katira.
And desserts......... (*0*)
Cakes, puddings, caramelized puddings *massive salivating*, and Ah! Of course, kuih lopeh! My no. 1 favourite!

I love kuih lopeh sooo much that once when I was searching for it with such focus and determination, I walked right pass this boy whom I've had massive crush upon without entirely realizing it! Only after I've found my kuih lopef my friend whom I ran into told me she saw the whole thing happenning and that I was totally out of it because of my damn obsession with kuih lopeh. (=_=''')



Breaking fast back at home is usually around 7. Way quicker compared to here. So, once my siblings and I reach home, we would set up the table. My mom seldom cooked, but sometimes she would make steamboats and fry mee goreng or tauhu goreng to add up to the food we bought. After setting up the table, someone would have to go and summon Ikram, the bugger to get his lazy ass to the kitchen. Then, we would wait. Straight up the corner of my house, is the mosque. And I would often stand at the front door of my house and listen for the azan.



Once, we hear the azan, we would break our fast. It is usually this time, I would feel very at peace with everything that surrounds me. The quiet spaces of my house, the sound of birds chirping outside, and the first 10 minutes of breaking fast at the dinner table at my house. Because no one would be talking as they are busy chewing their food. But, after that, well, back to same old din.




What I also miss, is walking to the mosque with my sisters and my mom. Or when we walk back home. I am never quiet during these walks. I would kacau and kacau and kacau Yayang until her nose flare with irritation. ( Yeah, your nose flare, moyang!)
Or, I would be sharing a story with Nadiah during one of these walks.
And then, once we reach our home, we would all race to the fridge and who gets there first would get the caramelized pudding!Hahaaa~ (Usually saved for late night supper.)


...................................................................................................





Here, where I presently reside, I feel a sharp longing of being back in Jb. Why? Because I'm having cornflakes for sahur and bread with tuna and mushroom soup for breaking fast? Maybe not. Maybe yeah. But then again, isn't the whole point if fasting is to also get a feel of what it's like living with little food on the platter and little water to quench the thirst?
I don't really care about food. It's not a big issue. What I care is that I won't have the oppoturnity to spend this Ramadhan with my loved ones.



And people keep telling me that, no worries, just a few more months to go, and then this fight will come to a short intermission. =p
Yeah, heck, I know that. But still, that don't keep me from feeling just a little bit lonely here~




Home is where the heart is.
My heart is detached from my body.
Homesickness resurfaces.
Those who have not felt it because they can go home anytime they want can shut the heck up, because my heart is not in to listen to words said.
(tgh menyirap sbb jeles tgk org laen boleh balek... uhuhuuuu~~ (T__T)



Bersabarlah natto!!!! You can do this!!!! You are strong bebeh! Grrrr~~
p(>__<)/